Wednesday thoughts.

I believe this is might be the THIRD cold I've had since the season started. The first time was long and dragged on, but the second time, I kicked in a matter of a few days. I hope that is the case this time around as well. I ain't got SHIT for healthy food in the house. Except for probably tonight's dinner - meatloaf and carrots that aren't canned or frozen. I'm gonna have to hit up my Mom for grocery money, and probably hit the store or have Thomas hit the store later on tonight - w/ or without me depending on how I feel. Regardless I'll probably have to send him to an ATM. We'll have to check C-Town (verses our usual Bravo) because Bravo prices are to the roof.

I've actually been writing, and GOOD writing too. Not my usual shitty slop can-use-some-work. Wtf-Jocelyn, words. LOL. I want to share it, but like everything else I write, it's hard.

So far, things are moving along steadily - slowly, indeed, but steadily. I guess that's better than nothing at all. Tomorrow, the Harlem Community Law Offices (I think that's what it's called) is having intake again. So, that's going to be my main course of action for tomorrow. Friday or Monday, we'll go to homebase, that's assuming I haven't received a call-back yet from Catholic Charities community services. I called twice and left 2 messages end of last week.

At this particular moment, my husband is probably just walking into his THIRD interview for a counselor position at that non-profit I spoke about last week. This is 3 weeks into this screening process. IMO - 3 interviews seems like much, over-kill, almost borderline inappropriate, however, the culture of the job market is always changing and frankly, IMO, for the worst. So far, I think my husband has spent 5+ hours working with this organization and I'm pretty sure, although it's screening, this is time not being compensated for. I hope he is not being strung along for nothing, and they are being mindful of his investment of time and effort. I prayed for this. And, I'm no religious person. Desperation really does lead you to crazy.

I've been thinking, contemplating, for years really, the idea of how I would exist in the world if I had money. I've even taken sort of a vow to myself that if things do turn around, (and everything must change eventually, that is just life - for one, we cannot stay here forever) that I would be conscious. And, stick to my values. But also honest at the same time. Help myself before helping others, ect.

Sometime ago, I was in line at the grocery store and this old woman in front of me did not have enough money in food stamps to buy, if I can recall this correctly, about 10lbs of rice, plantains, and a much of other produce. I had probably $70+ in my wallet, and she had about...$27 or so in groceries. I should have paid for her. Period. She was probably bringing home 10lbs of rice to feed her family! I felt bad because we really can't afford to part with $27. When you know, you know - $27 is a lot of money when you're broke. Still, this has been bothering me. I'm over here running possibilities through my head like - what if her food stamps came in late - even worse, what if they were cut off? What if she cannot rectify that quickly? Like I said the other day, which was yesterday, the HRA is about as productive as I am on Sundays. It does not matter how much money I have, I always can justify giving. As we all should. The way I look at it is, well, if not me, then who? If I am not starving right now, I can afford to give. But, a part of me pulls back and says, that's irresponsible. Funny how that is, right? Funny how hurtful and ass-backwards that reaction is for all of us, collectively. Anddd, soooo, that's the end of my Wednesday thoughts.