4.22-4.23

Apr. 24th, 2017 11:21 am
I'm exhausted - it's been a good weekend. Probably the best weekend I've had in a really long time. I've also been writing and staying busy and active. I'm starting to feel myself again, feeling more like a person, a human, and like a normal member of society. With life as we know it being ripped apart at the seams, the smallest glimpse of normality is a huge deal, I've noticed. Today I plan to do quite a bit of writing, job searching, and self-care. I just want to re-connect, to get involved, and just do things.

We've been out of the house almost non-stop since arriving here. The good thing is I'm getting a lot of exercise and I've been feeling really good physical because of it! I just wish I could say I was eating healthy too. I am making an effort, though. We don't have much wiggle room and are super limited. We can't cook in our apartment, and technically, we aren't even suppose to have food, but we do anyway (pantry crap, nonperishable - just building a small stockpile).

I'm also trying to save money, and so we rely heavily on food stamps. I try to find ways to eat fresh fruits and vegetables as often as I can, and avoid fast food. Last night, for example, I had chicken, brown rice, and a salad, as well as steamed edamame. I'm happy that I was able to eat some real food, and *almost* not break the bank for it. We've been doing SO MUCH walking and spending hours on end outside because it's better than sitting in a room twiddling our thumbs. We also saw Beauty and the Beast, which I liked.

Been spending more money than I'd like, but I suppose it's unavoidable. We lost everything. The shelter doesn't give you ANYTHING. And, it's your responsibility to buy everything yourself and clean your own unit. More or less just like your own apartment. So, yeah, we're more or less starting over. Everyday I realize something we need that we don't have because that's just how it goes when you move into a new place. Since we don't have a lot of money to spend, we have no choice but to buy things for the apartment very slowly. Regardless, I think we're making good progress. We have the absolute bare-minimum, but it's enough. I should really put together a list - we still need cleaning supplies. I got a broom and dustpan, but I need a toilet brush and a non-bleach cleaner. I have to take another look at the rules to make sure I don't accidently buy something contraband.

We're down to about $200 in cash and $200 in food stamps which is more than enough to get us through the next 2 weeks. It's also likely I can ask my Mom to help us out if we really absolutely need it. Also Thomas gets paid next week. We're in a good place considering we did quite a bit of spending this month.

We met with our social worker for the second time this morning. She more or less told us that it's a waiting game from here on out, we've fulfilled all the requirements (not including the medical results we're waiting on). We don't meet again for 2 weeks. I explained to her what we've been up to, and how we're making an effort to seek resources and information elsewhere, but in a lot of ways, it feels out of our control (because we can't do much of anything until DHS finds us eligible or not). She more or less said, "at least you're trying because most people here aren't". Which is kind of sad.

So, the plan is to take it easy on the rental vouchers until our next follow-up because I'm more or less wasting my time until I find out what happens next with DHS. I got a job interview for a job that I also can't do because it's night shifts and I can't even get all the way back here on public transportation because I'm literally in butt-fuck no where. I'm just going to keep applying for jobs with hopes that I can get an interview for one that actually works for me.

In the meantime, I'm working on the same writing project I've been working on since earlier this year (series of mini-memoirs...I skimmed it over and was really impressed with what I've written so far), and also writing articles for Hub Pages. Earlier I thought maybe I could pull previous things I've written off my lifestyle blog or elsewhere but fuck it, I rather write fresh stuff. At least then I won't have to worry about pulling it off the web elsewhere. So far, I really like Hub Pages. You can earn a small income through Google AdSense and Amazon Ads. Apparently, it's very possible to earn an upwards of $400-600/m of passive income, however, I'd like to assume that depends greatly on the long-term relevance of your content. The idea is to write helpful/how-to/informative articles. Before I can start actually earning income, I need to have an average of 10 well-written articles published. So that's my current goal, while also working on my other writing project.

Oh! And, in other news, I've deleted my *other* Dream width account (opened specifically for a guild community/page), and also my old LJ. I am also thinking of getting rid of/deleting Tumblr because it's dead and pointless. I actually tried to do that last night, and again today but couldn't make it work. Since it linked with Yahoo it's like...the passwords get all messed up. I'm not sure but it's a pain in the ass.
In late January, I starting working on a series of poetic autobiographical essays which, currently, hold the theme of my relationship/marriage with Thomas. I would like to include other characters, but still somehow tie it all in to the role in which my husband has played in my life, the growth I've made, and the experiences I've had. And, more or less, every obstacle we've endured together.

First things first, I want to write without limitations. I want to write without the possible reader or readers in mind. Secondly, I want to do it right. I want to outline, and brainstorm ideas, topics, and scenes. I want to set daily, weekly and/or monthly writing goals as well. Currently, I have several hours of quiet time at home, nearly 8 hours per day, where I can sit down and work on my writing. I don't know how longs that's going to last, but I will make use of it now. Even if it is just an hour a day! I will create structure, but I will keep the rules loose. What matters is I do it, not necessarily when or how.

I would like to share my writing progress on DW, but I am only starting to learn this website. Here are a few things I'm looking to do:

1.) Arrange my tags, so they're not all visible on my blog. I am hoping to eventually arrange 4-5 tags that will cover specific topics, and only display those particular tags. Preferably, sooner than later, as well, because I already have 144 journal entries! And, 114 tags!

2.) Find a platform to "publish" my work neatly/nicely, similarly to how it can be done on Quotev.

I have about 7 pages so far, and my goal is to produce at least 5 per week! My monthly goal is somewhere between 15-25pg and my yearly goal is 200-240pg.

3.) I want to also find a way to be confident enough to share my writing with others - friends, family, ect. I haven't been able to do it in years. I want to be excited about it, and proud of it, in the same way I was when I wrote JTTB. I am fully aware the experience will be different. It must be, because I am not writing fiction, however, I want to be just as brave. I want to learn to be less secretive and less ashamed of my life, because I have much to celebrate and much to be proud of.

I have this one extremely ambitious student in my non-fiction workshop.

And now? I’m 100% committed to this class and to this student. I have to give 100% because they specifically came here to write. I need to help them do that. They came here to improve, to workshop and to receive feedback. My job is to inspire. I want to leave a lasting impression on these students, you know? The thing about writing courses is (artistic expression that is taught)...the teacher really makes or break that spark, that fire, that sense of magic, you know? As an instructor, my job is to provide the structure (rules) without putting out the fire. I mean, the entire idea is for me to provide a space where writers can get the support they need -- where they can act on their inspiration.

Truth is, we’re all helping each other. Being an instructor gives me accountability. It is motivation for me to keep working on my own writing even when I think it’s trash, it won’t go anywhere, no one will publish it. But bottom line is, it makes me feel good to lead an environment where we are all getting work done, we’re all improving, and we’re all one step closer to presenting our work to the world.

I feel like everyone is born with ambition. Like, tons of it. As you go through life, little bits and pieces of ambition get chipped off. It could be from failure, or discouragement from others...or a million other things. I want to be that person that refilled the well, you know? When it runs empty, someone needs to refill. Ambition is good for the world. It washes away complacency. But, it's a group effort.

I bought these cute super kawaii stickers and a fill-in-your-own-dates planner. Doesn't it make you want to squeel a little? I thought, new year, new planner. #justify #the #splurge #purchase

On the real though, I got this adorable notepad from Staples, and I'm falling back in love with the pen.

I think putting pen to paper can do good things for me. I need to get writing more often. I think jotting shit down, listing, things of that nature, just getitng in the grove of putting pen to paper will make me want to write more. I also picked up this journal. What is so neat about it is the removeable pages. It's like a tiny binder. I spent like...barely over $10 on all of this. Can you believe that? *pats self on back

I got an unexpected $80 paycheck from Udemy today that really sort of "woke me up". Motivated me to not quit and keep at what I'm doing. I still think I can make this work if I actually work on it daily (I need to get in the groove of posting daily and stay in the groove. Especially instagram and facebook/perhaps Tumblr too/If I'm going to do Tumblr, I need to figure out how to use the queue to post every hour, that is where I am getting the most return investment..I need to really take some time to research successful advertising strategies for social media websites...and test it out....), but ANYWHO, like I've said before, I really need to find other ways to make money -- which brings me to my next point. This transcription gig is moving quick. I already got my login info to do a test run. This means training and getting started... probably immediately. Well folks, let's give this thing a real effort. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to give 100% to this. Let's try to make this work. More importantly, let's make some fucking money.

Before I hit the hay, I will contribute to my manuscript. Common, Joce, you can do it. A short scene, that;'s all I am aiming for tonight. Let's do it.






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