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Since my early teens, nightmares and anxiety-stricken dreams have been a norm for me. It started more than a decade ago. Before puberty even hit, I'd have recurring dreams about being stuck on an escalator. Every morning I'd wake up stressed and anxious.
As a teen, they became a lot more violent. In my early adulthood, around age 18, I had a dream of me taking a gun and shooting my newborn in the face. If I can recall correctly, immediately after birth. By the way, I did not have a child. I've never had children. I don't have children now. In my previous posts (and in the comments), I had briefly mentioned that I struggle with infertility. More specifically, I cannot ovulate.
Is it safe to associate depression with nightmares? As a teen, I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). It is also important to mention that mental illness runs quite deep in my family. My father is bipolar and has PTSD and OCD. I can have OCD-like behavior under stress. An example would be when someone tried to break into our apartment earlier this year. I check the front door several times an evening -- sometimes 2-3 times in a row (...get up, go check the door, go back to bed...get back up and do it again.)
Last night I had a dream that left me anxious and stressed. It was a nightmare all in itself. I had a dream that my marriage fell apart. It was pathetic, to say the least. We appeared very shallow in personality -- fighting over petty things. The focus of our fight was on sexual performance which is kind of...well...pathetic! We complained to each other about not preforming to the standard and also becoming unattractive to each other. (Isn't that pathetic?) I know I keep using that word, but it best describes how I feel about it. I woke up sad and feeling...PATHETIC.
We have a relatively fulfilling and fun sex life -- even for a couple who has been rocking the bedpost for nearly 12 years. I could probably have more sex, but not in a way that...I harbor feelings about it. Or, even think about it. Personally, I don't hold such value to sex and I don't suffer when I don't have it. But, at the same time, I also recognize that I have a pretty active sex-drive, and I could have some unconscious thoughts about it. I am also going through hormonal changes as a result of my reproductive health.
Any clue as to why I have regular nightmares and dreams that cause anxiety and/or what could have possibly encouraged the dream I had last night about my marriage?
As a teen, they became a lot more violent. In my early adulthood, around age 18, I had a dream of me taking a gun and shooting my newborn in the face. If I can recall correctly, immediately after birth. By the way, I did not have a child. I've never had children. I don't have children now. In my previous posts (and in the comments), I had briefly mentioned that I struggle with infertility. More specifically, I cannot ovulate.
Is it safe to associate depression with nightmares? As a teen, I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). It is also important to mention that mental illness runs quite deep in my family. My father is bipolar and has PTSD and OCD. I can have OCD-like behavior under stress. An example would be when someone tried to break into our apartment earlier this year. I check the front door several times an evening -- sometimes 2-3 times in a row (...get up, go check the door, go back to bed...get back up and do it again.)
Last night I had a dream that left me anxious and stressed. It was a nightmare all in itself. I had a dream that my marriage fell apart. It was pathetic, to say the least. We appeared very shallow in personality -- fighting over petty things. The focus of our fight was on sexual performance which is kind of...well...pathetic! We complained to each other about not preforming to the standard and also becoming unattractive to each other. (Isn't that pathetic?) I know I keep using that word, but it best describes how I feel about it. I woke up sad and feeling...PATHETIC.
We have a relatively fulfilling and fun sex life -- even for a couple who has been rocking the bedpost for nearly 12 years. I could probably have more sex, but not in a way that...I harbor feelings about it. Or, even think about it. Personally, I don't hold such value to sex and I don't suffer when I don't have it. But, at the same time, I also recognize that I have a pretty active sex-drive, and I could have some unconscious thoughts about it. I am also going through hormonal changes as a result of my reproductive health.
Any clue as to why I have regular nightmares and dreams that cause anxiety and/or what could have possibly encouraged the dream I had last night about my marriage?
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