It's really off-putting to see how entranced people are over the 1.2b lottery. Understandable, when you consider it has never hit the billion, it's all over the news, ect. Mind you, it's a great thing (those taxes, almost 40% of the proceeds, are pumped back into schools, social services, your community, ect.) but listening to people fantasize about what they'd do with the money is really...interesting to observe. I dunno, it's just interesting but I can't exactly pin point why. I can't exactly put my finger on it. I mean I get it. In a sense that...you know, when you've grown up with little, and have lived under the poverty line all your life and to think that maybe one day it doesn't have to be that way anymore...you dream. I used to often, actually. When you live in NYC, part of it is "faking it till you make it". It's strolling down 5th ave. It's the feeling you get, I can't quite describe it. You're surrounded by wealth and luxury and it's hard to not imagine it for yourself.

But still, when I think about the possibility of winning the lottery. I'm a realist you know. I play for the sake of playing, not with the possibvility of winning because it's very unlikely. But you know, there is always a bigger picture I try to look at. Today, though, I thought -- what if? Like, really, WHAT IF. And, it dawned on me that I am really content in my life and I probably would not make very large lifestyle chances. I like what I do right now and it's more along the lines of continuing what I do. Preservation. I told Thomas, "I'd probably stay in school." And, he KNEW that was probably true because that is where I find happiness. Purpose. Growth. Understanding. I'd probably keep doing what I'm doing. And, him too. He would probably keep working. Because he values what he does. Isn't that remarkable? I'd be very giving, as I am now, but on larger scales. Would it be nice? Sure, of course. But, man, do I love my life as it is.
I am only going to try a little bit more to make working from home work out for me. After a week or 2, I am going to get a normal job. I applied for several transcription jobs today. A few require me to do a test, which I will do this weekend sometime. I worked really hard on a the cover letter. What was discouraging is seeing how little it pays...300-500 a month max. That is like slave labor isn;t it? LOL Obviously it varies depending on how well you work, how quick you work, and the company. I don't want to throw the entire thing out the window. I mean, that's potentially $500 more than what I'm making now isn't it? And, I could find better opportunties. I am going to give this a try and see if it really can work out for me. If not, oh well, move on, right? I've been stressing and doing all kinds of shit this week, I can't wait to get a break tomorrow and this weekend. When Thomas is home that's less meals I have to cook and less cleaning I have to do.

I am all ready to get my ID tomorrow. I gathered all my supplies, and I hope I have enough info to prove who I am and where I live! I think I do. I'll try to gather whatever else I can with my name and address on it and put it in my purse for tomorrow. I'm honestly really excited to get out of the house. I really don't get out as much (into the city) in comparison to when I first arrived here. I'd be out in the city 4+ days a week for school and work. Now we rarely take the train! I honestly just hope it will go as simply as it did when Thomas got his ID. It was in and out in 20-30mins and it was just so easy and painless.
WITHOUT AN ID OR DRIVERS LICENSE (that's the kicker.)

Very small. Like, $150. (To pay a energy bill and get through the next 2 weeks.) The problem is, I don't have any identification! So that's been the real issue in finding one. There is a cash checking place nearby that does small little payday loans but alas, no idenfication.

Or, does anyone want to purchase editing, proof-reading or revision services from me? LOLOLOL
One of us if finally gonna have somewhat steady/reliable income coming in. Things have been tough. Things have been rough. But, I know we're going to make it.

Right now, I just want to focus on the positive. My husband got a job.
Small victories. We finally made copies of the keys for our new locks.

What am I thankful for today?
I have food in the fridge. I can cook healthy meals tomorrow and for the rest of the week. I have detergent to wash a few of Thomas's shirts in the tub tomorrow. I am able bodied to do the chores that must be done.

Next week I vowed that I'd finally get my ID.

I hate the fact that I put a lot of these things off. In a way, it's kind of pathetic that I justify saving the $20-25 dollars it takes to commute there and purchase an ID, because there are better more useful ways to apply that 25 dollars.

It's why I never go anywhere (on the train), to be frank. It's expensive to leave the neighborhood. Living is expensive. Surviving is too.

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