Jul. 25th, 2016

7.25

So, I've started using this writing app called Writer. It literally sounds like a typewriter (as you type). You can, of course, turn that off in the settings. It's a web/browser app that auto-saves every few seconds. It's also free from distractions. Very simple design that focuses entirely on the writing and nothing else. Any-who, I highly recommend it to any writers out there. It really helps me focus on a singular sound / and just the writing itself. It's genius, really.

Folk music is sooo fucking good. It's very much "Americana". Kind of reminds me of the middle ground between country music and rock-n-roll. Acoustics. What am I really saying?

I've been going through some of the music I really liked when I first moved to NYC. I'm sitting here thinking - man, that first year in NYC was magic. Terrifying and beautiful. I didn't know it then, of course, because it was scary, and I had a lot of anxiety, and it was just all new. I think it's funny how much we romanticize the past. When I first moved here, I romanticized coming-of-age. I believed those years were wholesome? It wasn't until now that I really started realizing the magic in each day and how each moment lived is significant.

Anywho, I was really into folk, folk-punk, and folk-pop. I've always been very appreciated of good lyricism wherever I can find that. That's probably the writer in me.

Over the last few weeks I've kept thinking, "oh I want to blog/journal about this - I should jot this down so I don't forget", and of course I don't jot anything down and therefore I forget. There is a lot I want to note if I can remember it.

Firstly, I've noticed that I've been ovulating - well, I think I am. According to my pee stick, my LH levels are mid-high. I could be wrong and that faint second line means nothing - but from what others have said, it usually means ovulation is around the corner. Today, for example, I feel a cramp in my lower right pelvic area and that could literally mean ovulation, conception, or... cancer. lmfao. I also had intercourse (before I tested.)

I've also been applying for jobs regularly with Glassdoor. I love being able to read reviews on the company/organization before applying. It's nice to know what to expect before I even get a call for an interview. So far, I have been having bad luck. I am still being persistent with my ideal place of work. I know it's very common to job search for 4-6 months these days, but man, getting either no response or a rejection is really disheartening. I think I really want what I want and...I'm just overall stubborn about what I want to do. My heart says hold fast and keep doing what you're doing. Aka - take yourself seriously. I feel like that is really the only way to attract an honest employer who will value and respect you...when you take yourself seriously and you show real value in yourself. But, makes you wonder - when do you give up? You know?

Even though some areas of my life (finances) are really struggling and have been for some time, sometimes I forget that there are so many other aspects of my life that could be suffering and/or flourishing as well. I also realize that what I'm going through is common for many people.

I am trying to make real efforts in other areas of life too, you know? Especially in regards to health and wellness. Also organization and housekeeping (keeping the home clean and making and keeping a schedule). Honestly, I can't believe how much money I am saving by just eating real food. I can't believe how horrible I feel eating processed foods and how much of a waste of money it is. I ate box mac-n-cheese and hotdogs this week and not only did it taste like shit, I felt like shit after. I've been playing Pokemon Go, pretty casually - and honestly, it's just an excuse to get my ass walking around and sweating in this god-forsaken summer heat. LOL. And, you know? I feel good. I feel really good, health wise.

Speaking of Pokemon Go, I'm honestly surprised how many elitists are making a big to do about the game! I mean seriously...OF ALL THE things to be an elitist about, games, geek culture, and entertainment is really the most pathetic. LOL. It's just silly. News flash, it's not all about you. Like, just let people enjoy the game. It promotes wellness and actually gives young people (on summer break) something productive to do. They can also learn a bit about their communities. Beats them sitting at home all day or getting into trouble on the streets.
So, I wanted to make note of something really funny that happened on ESO a few nights ago. Someone in a new guild of mine (who is now an officer) was being SUPER perv-y the other night. Not like directly at me, though. He was talking about weird shit like getting fucked by horses (and their 12in. dicks), and how horrible it would be getting a blow job from an orc. I shit you not.

He went on to talk about more personal stuff regarding his relationship with his fiance (long distance) and how he was basically always horny. We talked a bit about how much sex changes in relationships and with age. Stuff like that.

He said something like, "If I felt this would make my girlfriend uncomfortable, I probably wouldn't say it." Referring to us discussing sex. Though I don't doubt that many relationships are indeed that open, I could sense some guilt there.

At one point, he caught himself, and realized he didn't know how old I was, and that he just more or less started talking very explicitly to a random person in his guild. LOL.

He was also asking for my opinion on having another partner, for sex, while your significant other is away. Along with thoughts on group sex.

Aside from the obvious elder schools fan fic bestiality, I didn't really find it too weird, tbh. I've always been fairly open about sex and sexuality. I think sex is natural and normal and really should be a topic that can be openly discussed.

I've ran into some interesting folks lately. The night before, I spoke for hours with a guy just about the game and builds. I've also been playing daily w/ what my bff calls my "new ESO best friend". LOL. I admit, it's nice. I really look forward to chatting with these folks. I don't have many friends so it adds some variety to my life. LOL. That sounds really sad when I say it.

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