I NEED ADVICE

[december_solstice]

A few weeks ago, my grandmother had a stroke and her health has been steadily declining. If it weren’t for her, I’d still be homeless. She helped me foot the bill for 6-months of security deposit on an apartment. Now, her health is a big concern and she’s pretty much near the end of her life. My mother (her child) pretty much got on a plane and left, without saying anything to anyone, and has be ignoring me since I became homeless. Needless to say, she doesn’t want anything to do with my grandmother, and so now, the burden of sorting out her life insurance, health insurance, finances, medical care, end-of-life care (home nurse, hospice, nursing home, probably funeral services etc.) falls upon me. I’ve been trying desperately to get a small loan to travel back home, get things in order, and stay with her for a little bit (I’m in NY right now, from HI), and it’s been impossible. I accumulated debt in housing court before I became homeless. My credit is terrible, and I don’t make enough money for any kind of leverage on a loan. My question is, does anyone have any kind of suggestions as to where I should look, or how I can increase my chances on a loan? At this point, I’m pretty much racing against the clock. I applied with 2 banks. First time with a cosigner. Second time, a friend with good credit still got denied. She actually needs a cosigner herself. I looked into HRA’s One Shot Deal - no luck. This is all new and unexpected. There is a lot of emotional pain, a lot of stress and anxiety. To the point that I can’t even preform at my job as well as I usually can. Life is so unforgiving, but I’m doing my best to roll with the punches, but that doesn’t mean I can figure it all out by myself. I need to make magic happen, and I haven’t a clue how I’m going to do it. If anyone knows a solution that I’m not thinking of, please, any advice would be welcomed and appreciated!

Comments

[december_solstice]

<3 I would do the same for you. At this moment though, thankfully, crisis is averted! Yesterday, my landlord offered to return as much of my security deposit (9K total) as we needed to pull us through this event. Travel and missed work (loss of pay). She returned Aug. rent and said she'd pull it from our deposit, but likely "just don't worry about it". I feel so blessed, not only that I COULD put down such a big security deposit, for moments like this, but also that I was privileged enough to have family who can help create that security for me, and a landlord who is so kind and merciful.

Thats what Im thinking, though, still. Calling the church she used to attend all her life, and see if they could offer end-of-life cash assistance. Because any help I can get would be great. I reapplied for food stamps already to cut costs on food. I still think it's smart to take every possible step to cut costs, you know? And cushion us.

I'm stressed, but at least not having to stress about what's happening at home, you know? All of this is new and we're doing it basically alone.

She is coherent. I guess, strokes do damage to the brain? So conversation is hard. Her sight and speech, and even hearing, were all not that great before the stroke because of diabetes, and also she's just getting really old, you know? I don't know what I'd do if she dies before I make it out there. I still need to request off work. I can't just up and leave. To risk losing my job would be just not a smart move. I'm just trying to figure things out as I go. As I gather for info from family (my Uncle who she's staying with now).

I think I should also, like you said, really promote my Ko-Fi link. I have had some donations via Ko-Fi. I thought about selling some writing too.

It's a lot to digest. I need to do a lot of research to figure out wtf I'm doing.

Life happens so fast. And each moment, when you think there is time for rest, poof, there it goes! I'm still kind of not believing how things turned out. I'm the last living relative that is in contact with my Grandma. I have no siblings and my Mother, her only child, like I mentioned, wants nothing to do with her after an event that took place last year (she left her without saying a word...long story short), and now EVERYTHING is in my name. The assess from the property sale, life insurance policy, all assets. Her house sold for over 750K. Her life insurance is probably 150K+ It's a lot of assets. Probably a lot of personal savings. She was a frugal person. Wanted to save for her future of her family.

I feel a lot of pressure to not fuck this up. I have to do the right thing when this is all over. Learn how to invest and buy a modest house. Since she sold hers so we could have a house. Look at my debt. Etc.

[lusentoj]

Ahh, I see. Definitely try to contact the church!

That's really great!! You have such a nice landlord!

Yeah, be really, really careful when you get a house. It could be better to take my dad's route and buy some cheap property somewhere (his is on a mountain that had a forest fire a few years back, but you can't tell anymore), then build your own house. There's a lot of stuff like these "mini houses" you see on YouTube that can save a lot of money, too... I just feel like, I don't know how much a house costs, but make sure not to spend all that inheritance money just on housing stuff ;_; In the first place I personally don't even think getting a house is a good idea, unless you have a REALLY, REALLY secure job + job market etc. Even then, you might move in the future for other reasons...

My mom has gone through a LOT of houses and basically they've all had hidden, often big, problems. For example maybe the plumbing is actually messed up, or when they made the porch they messed something up and after a few years you have to completely redo the thing. There's also stuff like, you won't know that this particular house gets huge swarms of ants/bees in the summer until you actually live there... One DreamWidth friend of mine just has continuous problems with her house, like the heater broke and from that they found out that the house's electrical wiring was like 50+ years old and extremely dangerous and hadn't been properly installed from the beginning.

Also the neighbourhood is sooo important @_@ Once my mom lived in an area where you were literally afraid to go and play out in the yard, it was such a slum, but at other times she lived right on the seashore where only retired people lived. My dad lives in a place with no neighbours at all, he has to drive 15 minutes to get to "town" (actually a village).

[december_solstice]

My landlord is fantastic. I would love to buy this apartment tbh. LOL. Or the whole building (2 apartments total). I don't know how much she'd sell it for. It's in great condition but it's also pre-war so it's old, which has it's own problems, but should be priced fairly. And a quick sell, with cash, might be appealing for her.

In general though, I would buy small. My parents bought a small house, actually. Like 100K I think. I would try to spend less than 20%, and actually even less if I could. Personally, I don't think houses are for me. We like small apartments. I like what we have now, you know? And, I feel like, aside from an extra room for kids, that's about all I'd want. And I think because of that, a co-op or condo would be perfect. I also don't like suburbs. I prefer urban living. I just don't want to invest in other people, you know? I don't want to line the pockets of a landlord for another 10 years. I feel like it's throwing my money away. With a modest/small co-op or condo, it would be low cost, no up-keep, just pay a small maintenance fee instead. They're also easier to sell which I think is a big deal if you buy young.

I'm kind of in this place where I really think I'm going to commit to this institution and I want to ride it out. I can even get my masters for free if I stick it out. If I remain in my union, stay with the college, I could retire in 18 years with the city, and 22 years with the state. I could have 2 pensions. I'm turning 28. I would retire by 50. It's safe and good for my family.