december_solstice

11.7.16

Tomorrow I have a big interview for a receptionist position at a pretty big corporate international company. I spoke with HR on the phone late last week and I really think we hit it off well. Like - the job really does feel like a good match for me. They're pretty casual/laid back environment. They produce media, basically, so creativity, media, and the arts is a big part of their culture/environment. This is a fantastic opportunity - the hours are good, location is awesome (it's actually where I want to be), it's a pretty basic/stable 9-5 day job that pays $15/hr (temp-to-perm for 1 year). That's actually a living wage! I can make about $2400/m. After a year, if we're a good fit, there's the possibility of becoming a permanent hire with the opportunity of getting paid more. In all honestly, it's so fitting, it feels too good to be true. A little too lucky. Even though I have 3+ years of experience as a receptionist/admin assistant, I'm still nervous. But, I know I am deserving for this job and I *can* do it. I do feel the pressure, though. This is sort of my chance to redeem myself, you know? Everything I've been through - everything I've done - led me to this point, and I need to receive this opportunity like...it was meant to be. Does that make any sense? It's time for me to see the fruits of my labor - my effort materialize.

I'm so used to getting what I want. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? But, I really am accustomed to receiving what I seek. Of course, not without effort, but I've always seen my hard work and effort materialize. Lately, I've been learning: 1.) You can't control everything. 2.) You can do everything right and still lose.

Sometimes I feel like a failure, and I know we all do sometimes. I think of every step I've made... and nitpick. Perhaps, I should have been more responsible here and there. I should have dreamed less. I should have dreamed more. I should have worked harder. I should have worked less. I should have enjoyed life when life wasn't hard. I shouldn't have done this or that. Then I think, even if I could change a thing, I wouldn't. Because then I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be the stronger and smarter version of myself I am today. I've learned so much about myself over recent months. Through it all, I love who I am and who I have become. More importantly, I know there are special people in my life who love and believe in me too.

I've got a decent amount of shit to get done this week. I'm going to write it down, for starters.