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Sep. 3rd, 2016 03:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
december_solsticeIn my very early 20's, I was on fire. I was writing a lot. I was passionate. Even though I often had very long days - full day at work, full night of school, I really was in a good place emotionally and mentally. I remember sharing my life often, professing to the world what I wanted, did the work, and received. I'm trying to think, aside from my financial differences, what kinds of changes have I made since then? I'm not really making my work the center of my life. I've gotten so burnt out by life and trying to survive, that I've just lost so much focus. What I want, who I want to be, what I want to create, what I want to put out into the world...it's just not the center of my life anymore as it should be. I'm not creating environments that inspire me to make that so. And, you know, I have to go out of my way to create those environments. It's so easy to think about writing, to read about writing, but when it comes to actually writing...it's not getting done. Heck, I'm not even really thinking or reading about writing, but I know I need to do that in order to write.
It's all about your surroundings, influences, what you consume ect. Overall, it's clear I need to work on myself, and I'm struggling this much (on a emotional and mental level) because I'm not caring for myself. Frankly, diet and exercise isn't enough. So many areas in my life as struggling as a result of mental illness. Self care is such a chore, but I need to do it because I will feel much better after - and well, I need to take care of myself, period. It's insane how much your emotional and mental state can even break deeply rooted habits. I feel like basic needs like showering and eating are incredibly hard.
Everything needs to be adjusted. The media I consume, my social media feeds, my daily habits, creating and maintaining a wellness routine. I need to force myself into these routines to reestablish habits. I'm curious is this is what depression feels like. I always excepted it to be sadness. Not even sadness is this crippling, though.
So far, I've adjusted my social media feeds to attract more positive and uplifting content. I"M EVEN BACK ON TUMBLR! I also started reading this book on writing "https://www.amazon.com/Page-after-Heather-Sellers/dp/158297618X" which really reminded me how much I want that MFA degree from NTS even if that means night classes. I want it more than I want anything else. I'm still beating myself up over not having the money to continue. I think - I could have done something...anything...differently. I would be HALF WAY DONE by now, if I went through with my Fall 2015 admission. Hindsight is 20/20. I can't continue to beat myself up over that, you know? Live, learn, and adjust. I need to continue working on my blog. Coming up with content has been difficult. I really need to workshop/brain storm through that. Most importantly, that planner has to come out and be used every week.
I need to get shit done. What's new?
It's all about your surroundings, influences, what you consume ect. Overall, it's clear I need to work on myself, and I'm struggling this much (on a emotional and mental level) because I'm not caring for myself. Frankly, diet and exercise isn't enough. So many areas in my life as struggling as a result of mental illness. Self care is such a chore, but I need to do it because I will feel much better after - and well, I need to take care of myself, period. It's insane how much your emotional and mental state can even break deeply rooted habits. I feel like basic needs like showering and eating are incredibly hard.
Everything needs to be adjusted. The media I consume, my social media feeds, my daily habits, creating and maintaining a wellness routine. I need to force myself into these routines to reestablish habits. I'm curious is this is what depression feels like. I always excepted it to be sadness. Not even sadness is this crippling, though.
So far, I've adjusted my social media feeds to attract more positive and uplifting content. I"M EVEN BACK ON TUMBLR! I also started reading this book on writing "https://www.amazon.com/Page-after-Heather-Sellers/dp/158297618X" which really reminded me how much I want that MFA degree from NTS even if that means night classes. I want it more than I want anything else. I'm still beating myself up over not having the money to continue. I think - I could have done something...anything...differently. I would be HALF WAY DONE by now, if I went through with my Fall 2015 admission. Hindsight is 20/20. I can't continue to beat myself up over that, you know? Live, learn, and adjust. I need to continue working on my blog. Coming up with content has been difficult. I really need to workshop/brain storm through that. Most importantly, that planner has to come out and be used every week.
I need to get shit done. What's new?
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Date: 2016-09-03 01:18 pm (UTC)we also FINALLY got a desk + chair sorted out in our room so i can actually sit in my room all day and work now. it works great, until i have to go into the madhouse to make/get food. my wife's sister who was living here all summer left for her own place... and the very next week the other sister came to stay for who knows how long.
yeah i feel that way a lot too. i'm 24 and still in the first year of my japanese degree. if i had studied japanese when i was 18 and living in iceland, probably my life would be pretty different right now. but like... you can't do anything. the more depressed i get the more time i spend thinking about "what if"s and "i should've"s. if only i had studied something else, or married someone else, or been born to different parents, or even in a different decade........ but, it could have been much worse than how i have it now too. for one thing, if i had been born any earlier i'd be dead.
i think you have to just focus on what you have to do to meet your most immediate goal. as in, not "i have to pass this class" but instead "i have to do this assignment". and not "i have to do it before sunday/tonight" but "i have to do it now". after you meet all your goals you can think about how to make up what you didn't do before. i'm trying to make myself do this a lot more often... when you have nothing you're procrastinating on, things already seem a lot better.
for me though i'm having a hard time battling daydreams, or delusions, or whatever. it just feels like life isn't real and both the future and past don't really exist. i know it's a coping mechanism from living in this abusive house....
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Date: 2016-09-09 02:04 am (UTC)What are Smart Goals?
Smart Goals is a method used to set goals to make them achievable , SMART stands for:
S- Specific: A specific goal is much easier to achieve than a general goal. To ensure your goal is specific, you must be able answer the six "W" Questions: Who? What? Which? Why? When?
Examples:
General Goal: Study more.
Specific Goal: Talk to my teachers and counselors to establish a study schedule for each day of the week.
M- Measurable: Make sure that you have specific requirements to help you achieve your goals. Focus on answering questions that ask about amount, such as How much? How will this be accomplished?
A- Attainable: Is this goal within my reach? Do I have enough strive to do this specific goal?Every goal is able to be achieved if they have the proper support from all these steps. You will naturally develop the tools you need, such as attitudes and skills, when you make achieving goals important to you. Strive for commitment and determination.
R- Realistic: Does my goal balance between my need to work and my ability to? Does my goal accurately represent where I am at the moment and where I want to be realistically? It's absolutely okay to reach for the stars, but it's important to keep in mind the baby steps to get there. You can always set mini goals inside of large goals to help. Aim for balance and overall happiness from where you are and where you want to go.
T- Timely: Do I have a reasonable time-frame for this goal? Avoid words such as "someday","soon", or "when possible" and start to lay down the foundation by establishing a deadline that is realistic.
Information taken from this awesome post
Why set Goals?
People from all different walk of life set goals, it can enable you to see long-term vision and short-term motivation. For myself it enables me to focus on what I would like to achive or need to achieve and then helps me to organize my tim e and resources so that you can make the most of my life.
By setting SMART goals, it has helped me be able to measure and take pride when goals are achieved. By monitoring my goals I have been able see forward progress in what might previously have seemed a long pointless process. I know by seeing this progress it then motivated me and allowed me too see I can do this which in turned helped with self esteem & confidence.
How will it work?
1. Every month a thread will be created to share that months goal , a format of sharing 1 or 2 goals for the month will be encouraged then breaking the set goals down into manageable weekly goals you feel achievable e.g
This months goal will be to have a more healthy routine by end of the month.
Week one - Get up at least one day setting alarm for 9 am get washed & dressed ensuring that I Eat 3 meals a day everyday
Week two - Get up at least 3 days setting alarm for 9am , get wash & dressed. Sticking to 3 meals a day. Also do at least one excercise task iin the week. (walk the dog or housework / garden)
Week three - Set alarm for 9 am everyday but one day for rest day. Get washed & dressed , sticking to to the 3 meals a day. Try do at least 3 tasks during that week. (exercise, meet a friend, housework etc)
Week four - as above however trying to complete a task everyday but a day of rest where on that day the task will be something for me to enjoy or relax.
2. Listeners and fellow members will then share encouraging replies to the goals through the month,
3. By the end of the month it will be encouraged that you share how you are progressing with the goal and if you have met your overall monthly goal. If you have not met the goal, it is ok :) However maybe it would be useful to share why you felt you did not meet the goal and what you could change to meet it at another time if you so wanted.
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Date: 2016-09-09 02:04 am (UTC)I'm curious about your twitter experience. It seems appealing, and I think I could really benefit from it, but for some reason, I just have never been able to figure it out and make it work. It feels so limiting. I can't write short sentences LMFAO
Im on Discord! We should add each other :D
Imo, sticky notes are really effective because it's in your face. If you're on your computer a lot, that's probably more useful than a written planner that you can well...close a planner and throw it out the window. LOL
Immediate goals really is the way to go. Goal setting is really about specifics. They don't get done unless you cut it down.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-09 02:05 am (UTC)Try to remind yourself that the adversity you face makes you better. It makes you stronger and wiser. Many things will challenge you in your life. I think hardships can teach you patience, compassion and understanding. It will grow your heart and soften you.
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Date: 2016-09-09 02:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-09-09 11:17 am (UTC)Yeah now I've been making a daily schedule with sticky notes, but i put my school schedule in there so it looks like:
fri 9th:
catch up memrise
print kanji
finish japanese lessons?
then for days i haven't reached yet:
mon 12th: class 10 to 11.30 Mariya
wed 14th: class 13 to 14.30 Reiko
thur 15th: class 10 to 11.30 Reiko
(Mariya and Reiko being my teachers' names)
I've also been using the sticky notes instead of word documents in general, they seem easier to work with somehow.
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Date: 2016-09-09 12:24 pm (UTC)I sent you a friend request! :D
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Date: 2016-09-09 04:53 pm (UTC)