A tragic event

Emotions are heavy tonight. I found out about an hour ago that my uncle died last night in a double suicide. My heart is breaking, but because the topic and the overall situation is so complicated, controversial - many people are hurt, I'm choosing to keep my thoughts to myself.

This is what happened - the short version: My uncle has been having an affair with an underage girl next door. From what I've learned, it's been going on for the past few years. She is nearly an adult now, but it began when she was probably age 14 or 15. This of course turned into a divorce, the loss of his kids, and many legal issues regarding the age of his girlfriend. My aunt left the state, with the kids. He went missing for about 5 days, before found dead in a car with his girlfriend. She has been a run away 4 months - it seems her intentions were to probably be with him.

Infidelity and the alienation they received from their families lead to worst of fates. Although I am in no place to judge all those involved and effected by their actions - I find it very saddening how often the life of another is only mattered when it's too late.

I was judgemental, of course, in response to the judgements made by family members, and now I feel rather terrible about it now because at the end of the day, we cannot help who we love, we all just try to make decisions that reflect best what is in our hearts, we all make mistakes, we're all flawed, but we all deserve compassion.

Pillow sobbing

I wanted to do a whole life update, but I honestly just wanna sob in a pillow.

So, I'll just list it before sobbing in a pillow:

1. Answered the petition - we have to appear in court in a week. I still have to follow up with my attorney, gather anything that needs to be gathered, ect. Gotta go to homebase, or the welfare center, somewhere next week. I'm hoping so much we don't lose our home. Sure we can find someplace to go...but what about Luna? I don't even wanna think about it, honestly. It would hurt so much to lose her.

2. We finally got the laundry done. I don't know if I mentioned that, but it's a big deal when you've been living with several trash bags of dirty clothes for months.

3. We did a huge grocery haul - saved a lot of money doing it too. (Did I blog about this yet? I don't remember whether or not I mentioned it.) I'm been eating...FINALLY. Too bad a lot of it is junk food. Thankfully, I am also eating much more balanced fresh meals as well. It's been a rough few months of me barely eating anything at all.

4. Tom lost his keys, so now I'm trying hard to suppress my anxiety. I'm trying not to think about the time someone was on our fire escape. As for the keys - chances are it is in the apartment. Somewhere. I wouldn't be surprised is Luna picked it up and hid it somewhere. She's a cat, but she thinks she's a dog.

5. I've been focusing on my blog a lot over the last week or so. I just pumped out an article with deep links. I have 7 affiliate partners...in a matter of a week! I've made some insane progress. I have a pretty clear idea of what needs to be done on a daily/weekly basis, it's just a matter of sticking with it. I wish I believed in myself more. Had that fire - that drive. Tbh, I feel like this is more or a distraction than anything else. At first, Thomas seemed very supportive, but that doesn't seem the case anymore. I feel guilty that I don't have a normal job you know? Then again, in my mind, it's better to be productive, to do work, and see that work materialize, than do nothing at all. Ex. play ESO all day. Or scroll through social media mindlessly. Or watch Netflix. Or lay in bed awake for hours.

6. I registered for a series of literature and composition courses at UC Berkley.

7. I got my 2nd IPSY glambag in the mail. \

8. I am making a conscious effort towards self-care.

9. I am opening up more to both Nicole and Tom. I feel like I;'m finally becoming more honest with myself, and that's also huge.

10. I really need to clean. Again. And overall just better organize/take care of the apartment. I am sure someone from the city is going to come and inspect the apartment. We need lots of repairs that's why.