6/10

[december_solstice]

I figured I probably shouldn’t try to force myself to do more than I can today. I’m on the rag and dealing with abdominal pain. I’m super heavy, and may need to pick up more pads.

I’ve been getting a lot of exercise lately. And, it’s not uncommon for me to walk 2+ miles a day, and that’ll continue to be a norm in the future. I’ve also been healthier than I’ve ever been, so my hormones are regulating and as a result, having more mood swings and intense emotions. Hence Meghan’s death is driving me up the fucking wall. Like, I’m still fuming from last night. The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off.

I was planning to try and get at least one post up on WordPress. Maybe 2. For my Sunday Scribbles, I considered writing about Meghan’s death, but it’s just too much, and I don’t feel it right to publicly discuss her life. Her death doesn’t have to be displayed as a lesson to the homeless sector. At least not from me.

I got out alive, many do not. I remember in December, I felt like I was reaching that point. Of being done. She did this for years. I can’t save all these people. I am just one person. I wish I could take all the pain away, the despair, the helplessness, but I can’t. I’m just so fucking pissed. Maybe the support group was ineffective. Maybe it just wasn’t enough. I mean, it’s not. Clearly. You need more than a fucking support group to survive homelessness. You need HOUSING.

She searched tirelessly for years, she tried to seek help and was turned away over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over for years. OH MY FUCKING GOD IM SO PISSED

It’s suspected to be self-inflicted but we’re not making assumptions. Suicide attempts are very common and kind of this very painful norm in homeless shelters, but even in a shelter, her life may have been saved.

I need go to do something else.

Comments

[lusentoj]

Related, a bit...
I was in class today (a class for Japanese people, not exchange students) and the teacher was doing roll-call. "So-and-so isn't here? Okay I'll move on"... then I heard someone whisper to their friend the word "suicide".

Did that student commit suicide? Of course I've heard that suicide rates are high in Japan, but this was unexpected. Now I've been wondering about it all day...

[december_solstice]

That's insane. Did you ever find out what happened? That's really sad. I feel like suicide is just becoming more and more common, happening more and more often. Just last week, someone jumped in front of a train -- I learned this because it caused a delay for my train. My aunt's husband killed himself, which I'm pretty sure I mentioned to you already.