4/24

[december_solstice]

In need of a brain dump.
I feel like I’m teetering at the beginning of the future. You know the feeling? Like you’re on the edge of something new? That something is something incredible that happened tonight. I don’t want to jinx/outs myself, because, you know, BUTT I basically reached out (PR) to a semi-large, very well-established, well-received non-profit (like… I’m on Ted Talks all the time, I speak at university conferences all the time) about featuring my most current writing project, Scar Tissue, and/or collaborating with them somehow. And, lo and fucking behold, the founder, legit, directly replies to my inquiry and we’ve been corresponding by email about me being part of something FUCKING GRAND/something bigger than myself/an exciting project. I would not only be honored to be a part of this, but I feel like this is right in line with what I want to/have been trying to do for a long time.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been concerned about doing “good” work, you know? I want to do good work in my life, and that’s really important to me. Something I’m passionate about, something I’m good at – I want to discover and follow my calling. I want to be a part of something that is important, that can change the world. And, now, it’s like, I’m trying to make the right moves, say the right things, and I really think I should just be honest, be myself, and have a little faith, you know? I have many ideas. So much to offer. Like, I got notes, guys. I prayed for this. Many many nights in the shelter. I prayed. I prayed that something like this would come along, and that I’d be able to actually do it. Actually afford to do it. Please send prayers, well wishes, positive vibes, etc. I can’t wait to see how this all unravels.

Comments

[lusentoj]

Congrats, I really hope it works out!!
2018 is our year, man!! Or if 2018 turns out to be a little slow, 2019!!

I've had the same "I should be true to myself" feeling for a long time, but at the same time I realize that if I'm NOT true to myself, that's how I would've gotten ahead faster. If I could just plaster on a smile, sit straight and lie about whatever, use all the socially-proper greetings and whatnot, then I'd already have a job. Probably. But there's something weird holding me back from just doing that.

[december_solstice]

I hope it does too! Just read your recent post. That's so great what you found out about your AA. I'm crossing my toes for you that they respond and it ends up being a breeze. We need less hoops to jump through. People can be so ridiculously difficult, instead of helpful, you know? For no reason sometimes it seems. I really think this is finally going to be our year! And I hope it sticksss

And, YES. I've been getting that feeling too. I think maybe it has something to do with like...faking it till you make it...kind of sets you up for failure/puts you in a spot/place maybe you shouldn't really be/wouldn't be happy with. Ofc, for most ppl, that doesn't really matter, because survival and money matter more. My thing is, I still want a shot at a happy life. lmfao.

[lusentoj]

Recently I really feel like, I just don't know how people can genuinely care about "doing x y and z". For example there's a straight-A student in my class, and she's been going to informational sessions for potential job interviews here in Japan. But it's like, she's going there with make-up on, a special "job-seeking hairstyle", a suit, she has her resume and is using the special polite (and difficult to learn) form of Japanese, is skipping class (well, getting permission not to go to class) to go to these things... despite that she has most likely no work experience, no degree, seems to be looking at jobs that can't actually get her a work VISA or at jobs that she's otherwise not qualified for, and still makes a ton of mistakes in both speaking and understanding Japanese. At the same time she's NOT trying to get qualifications in stuff that actually will get her jobs, like taking a test to prove her English proficiency level or getting a driver's license.

But it's like, for some reason she genuinely cares about all this kind of stuff to the point where she's adopted the "official officeworker personality and clothing", y'know? I'm on the other side of the boat and looking at jobs that I'm already qualified for and that don't require me to strain myself (ex. no super polite language or even no Japanese necessary in general; in the first place I think if your workplace makes you use that your bosses and company rules will be super strict and you'll be more likely to lose your job due to making mistakes). I mean, I get wanting to look nice for example, but I don't get how people put in like 2 hours a day doing makeup and combing their hair... it just seems like a huge waste of my precious little time I guess, as well as a chore. It's like, how do I learn to genuinely care about this kind of stuff so I can pass in society...