(no subject)

[december_solstice]

 6/5 

 

7p

Basically everything I planned to do today simply did not happen. BUT, the night is still young, and that;s not to say I didn't get anything done at all today. I picked up most of what I had on my errands list. I've noticed that I've been feeling fatigued and awfully tired since I got sick. Perhaps I'm still recovering and am not fully well yet? I've only actually had a few solid bowel movements since then, so I'm assuming the bug isn't 100% gone yet. I just realized right now that I have to go pick up medication for Thomas tomorrow, so I'll probably call first, then go. 

 

11;30p

So, I more or less jinx myself by falling asleep around 8:30. Of course, I had to wake back up in a few hours because of the bed sheet (basically a document we need to sign every night to secure our beds). Tomorrow, I think I'm going to be more realisitic about what I can get done in a day. I need to be more realistic in general, especially when I plan out my week. I often over-book myself and I feel like it only makes creates more chaos and does nothing for my time management. 

 

The most important tasks I have for tomorrow are the appointment, picking up the medication, and sorting the laundry. Since I know now that the laundromat isn't always open in the afternoon, I'm going to have it prepped and ready for Wednesday morning. If I get it started early enough (9a), I can probably get everything done and grab lunch before Thomas leaves for work (12p). Perhaps I can encourage Thomas to come with me...it seems unlikely though because he has a late night tomorrow and will be tired/not interested in running all over the place before work. We'll see how it goes - maybe I will just sort the laundry tonight and do it tomorrow. While it's washing, I can go have a smoothie. 

 

I guess it really comes down to priorities. Like, yes, the laundry needs to get done, but it's not an immediate necessity. I don't need to shove it into my daily schedule when I know I have other things I should also be prioritizing. 

 

This all seems like something simple that I'm making into a big thing but I'm really not very good at managing my time and energy. The issue is, I don't want to be so burnt out by the time Thomas gets home in the evening that I literally fall asleep (like today). That's why I try not to over-book myself. I'm still adjusting to being active on a daily basis. I was not out of the house this often (definitely not for long period of times) before we moved into the shelter. So now, I need to take into consideration how quickly I can become burnt out. Like tonight, for example, I really wanted to do some writing in the evening and use the hotspot to upload stuff! I was going to do that (earlier) tonight, but alas, I passed out! (I ran out of data on my phone - so I have to wait until he gets home to use his, basically.) Obviously, if I'm going to be running all over the place from 9a in the morning, by the time 7:30p rolls around, I'm going to be tired asf! Naturally, so! Which then prevents me from doing all the things I have scheduled for the evenings (writing, usually). 

 

Anyways, It's getting late and I really want to relax and watch some Netflix - at least one episode before I go to bed. I don't know, do you think this is just anxiety and I'm just stressing out for no logical reason? Like, when I step back and really think about it, it feels like I'm really making this bigger than it really is. 

 

I just thought, heck, if I'm so concerned about writing, I can specifically plan to go to Starbucks for a few hours on Thursday and Friday to write, and I won't need to over-book myself this week, and I'll get the writing I planned to get done this week completed - and I can actually relax in the evenings. 

 

I really do think I'm over-stressing, and I'm not sure why. Being so hyper-organized really is a two-edged sword. On one hand, I'm super self-aware, but on the other hand, I feel overly stressed out when I don't complete a task. I think it's because I'm trying to not break good habits I've established. I'm afraid I won't get any writing done. Or, I'll neglect my wellness goals. Which is ridiculous, but no one knows better than me that I can't force it. I could literally stare at the keyboard for an hour, you can't make the writing come. I can MAKE myself write, but that doesn't mean I can make myself write what I want to write and when I want to write. I know for a fact though, that if I go to Starbucks, I will write...something. I always do. I just need to go prepared, maybe with some notes, and with a plan. 

 

Sigh* I seriously...SERIOUSLY need to take a chill pill! Jesus. Well, it's almost 1pm now, so I'm going to fuck off. LOL.

Comments

[lusentoj]

Hmm, I don't know about from your general life situation but based on just your writing style in this post you do seem sort of "hyper and stressed"...

[december_solstice]

Right! Like, I re-read it this morning thinking WTF was I even on lmfao

This is definitely new. I wasn't feeling like this last week, and I don't have a history of being hyper and stressed about...things I wrote in my planner....good grief LOL