december_solstice

Money has been so tight. It's stressing me out, but not as much as it could be, has been, in the past. I think it really just comes down to the fact that my mind is so overly occupied on other things. I am, however, trying to stay level headed enough to keep the lights on and food in the fridge. We have no money at this point to do laundry so I need to continue to wash clothes in the tub for now.

I have a a ton of lentils and leftover spaghetti in the fridge. I really just gotta get myself to eat it. To eat anything for god's sake. I think I will add chickpeas to the lentils (if I can afford it, I honestly already don't think I can LOL), as well as tomato sauce. And, eat that with bread. I plan to do chicken and potatoes, as well as chicken and black beans. Creamy mushroom chicken. Eggs and potatoes for lunch. And, work on those leftovers. And buy milk/sugar for coffee too because I need SOMETHING good to look forward to..and that something is coffee.

I need to bother my mom for some cash to pay the electric bill, so she won't be too happy about that. It's rough, you know. When you ask for extensions, and only pay the absolute minimum to not get your power and gas shut off. Feels like I just paid the bills, and now I'm paying them again. It's rough. I really need to make any calls I need to make while my phone is active too, and I don't think I have more than 2 weeks left on it. It's just been rough. Next week we REALLY need to get down to homebase (homeless prevention center).

As for my mental health, I started checking out 7 cups of tea a few days ago and I think that website may end up being a lifeline for me until I get to an actual mental health doctor. I've been spending quite a bit of time reading poetry, and re-blogging nature photos on Tumblr. (lol) I'm so hype for the holidays, for the cold season, even though I'm broke and we're probably going to be freezing our asses off, and unable to really enjoy it fully as I've been wanting to for years...I'm just ready for the change of weather. But who knows. I try to not look towards the future in such a negative way, you know? No one knows what the next 4-6 months will be like. I try to have hope that it'll be better. This year has been sooooo hard. I need to catch a break. If I don't believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel...what will motivate me to keep pushing on? Because at this point, I don't really see very much to look forward to.