Why do we care about what other people think of us?

[december_solstice]

For a minute, I was really interested in psych tests. Especially those you can do effortlessly online.

Anywho, some time ago I asked my husband, parents, and a few close friends to select (in the test) 5 of my good qualities and 5 of my bad ones. Even though this happened forever ago, I'm still thinking about the results.

Two things really stood out for me:

1. Everyone thinks differently about me Everyone. Everyone perceives me differently.
2. Even though there were several negative qualities that were listed, there was only ONE that bothered me. A friend, selected "irresponsible."

I couldn't believe it, to be honest. I didn't think she thought of me as irresponsible. In fact, I believed she thought the exact opposite -- that I was very responsible. IN FACT, what is so odd, is the fact that I think she's irresponsible and makes somewhat poor choices. If I were in her shoes, I would do things very differently.

You're probably thinking "irresponsibility" is nothing.

This bothers me a lot. I don't know why. I mean, of course I'm not perfect, but I feel like I make decent decisions and all of my risks are calculated. I think I have my priorities in check. Question is, why does this bother me so much? What if I am irresponsible? Is that really that bad? So what if someone else thinks I make bad choices. So what if people think I'm a bum (LOL), does it really matter. I mean, I kind of am a bum, yall.


Anywho, here is a song by Ice Cube. Lol. Are you hype now? I am.

I'm curious -- what would you consider the biggest insult? For me, I'd feel pretty shitty if someone called me unintelligent or irresponsible. What about you?

Comments

[ringlat.livejournal.com]

If someone gets focused on one thing - "you don't clean enough" - that maybe they do better than you, then they don't notice everything else about you and view it in comparision... Like my wife doesn't go on Skype all the time and keep people updated with things, so her cousin sees that as "irresponsibiliy" whereas she herself sees it as "being antisocial".

As for why we care what people think, it's natural pack-animal behaviour LOL. We're raised by society to care. No longer can we just go out and start our own business and make money no matter how weirdly we act, just because we're the only blacksmith in town...

I'm not sure what the biggest insult to me would be. I get upset if someone acts like I'm a kid and don't know anything, since I grew up being treated that way by all the adults in America. What I really don't like is when I explain something (ex. facts - like "how to learn a language") and someone just completely dismisses it and doesn't even pretend to think about it and try to change their opinion. That feels like an insult, as if what I'm spending my time on is meaningless to everyone except for myself. I don't like it when people bring up bad stuff I've done or mistakes I've made, but I think big insults are really just about stuff I've personally struggled with a lot.

For example, I didn't grow up speaking another language, I only really began learning one (previous attempts were too weak or didn't get very far) at age 18. Online I see a LOT of people insulting "monolinguals", even saying stuff like "I can't even imagine what it's like to only speak one language, that's so awful/you have such a narrow mindset/you're so stupid if you are". So then I get pretty mad. No, I'm not someone who was born in Europe or another place where you learn three languages in school, no one in my family (except for my great-grandpa) speaks another language, I didn't live in an immigrant neighbourhood, I didn't get foreign-language movies or videogames, you couldn't even buy foreign-language books at the bookstore. There were language lessons online when I was a kid but no one told me about them and I didn't just happen to find any on my own. I didn't get an allowance or money from chores so I couldn't buy or didn't think to buy textbooks. I didn't know anyone else who was learning another language, or if they were they didn't talk about it.

When you live in a place where no one speaks another language and no one even thinks that a foreign language is important, you just think it's completely normal (or even impossible) to not know one, you don't usually get a crazy drive to learn one. AND there are many many more people out there who only know one language - the average Japanese person only knows Japanese, go to the countryside in most countries and their knowledge of English (and likely all foreign languages) will have dropped drastically... You can't help how or when or where you were born, or what body you have, and you can't help what kind of education or family you were brought up with... Oh and people say stuff like that I'm "obsessed" or "gifted" with languages which really irks me because no, I am shit at languages, I just study like mad and then constantly read about new methods of learning so I can make myself learn faster and better. And I don't like ALL languages, only very certain ones, some of which I just have a passing interest in but might read about or study a little anyway...

/runs off to the grocery store