Had a decent holiday weekend -

[december_solstice]

Bff and I grinded lowbies in ESO (which I'm really digging so far - but am still feeling skeptical about - will want to youtube some videos and test different gear sets in dungeons - really want to have a solid build idea/plan before maxing out).

Did a lot of cooking. I made a huge batch of "hawaiian" mac salad/macaroni salad. It's really enjoyable. I wish I had some BBQ with it. It's got a lot of crunch and a bit of sweetness to it. Also cooked up a whole bag of dried beans, spanish style. Planning to have it with some fish and roasted corn on the cob later on today.

Had a spectacular peanut butter banana smoothie yesterday that I digged. I'd love to get some almond milk, yogurt, more bananas and peanut butter and make smoothies throughout the week. I think next time I will add a dash of cinnamon.

Heard some fireworks. Didn't see any. Got some rain. That was nice.

I passed out yesterday in the early-afternoon and basically slept up until the late evening. I'd loveeee to force myself to stay up so I can re-regulate my sleep schedule. I think coffee could do it.

To be perfectly honest, in a way, I just love it. I get this nice quiet alone time in the early mornings. No one bothers me for a good 4-6 hours. I get to go out right when the stores open when the streets are empty, the air is crisp, birds chirping, and it's just a really peaceful time for me. For a second, I forget I'm in this concrete jungle lmfao. Honestly, I'm not sure why I feel so bad about not sleeping normal hours like a normal person. My mom and husband both nag me over it. LOL.

So late last week, our landlord or building owner, whoever, started gutting the walls of this apartment. The beautiful red brick is now exposed. However, it's been a challenge getting up and down the staircase with rubble and debris everywhere. It's def a health and safety hazard - no doubt about it. There is also a ton of concrete ash coming through under our door, as well as still all over the building. I'm sure it's not good to breath in. Was looking over our bill (which I hate doing - I mean who likes to look at bills, it's such a fucking downer LOL) and found out that we're getting charged a "small" legal fee from the time we were almost evicted. They also started charging a random $10 for having an AC in the unit. Just feels like such a rip off. We have broken tiles. Bad pipe. Clogged sink. Lights that don't work. Innercom that doesn't work. I just feel like...we are literally just paying for the roof and that's it. We're paying for the shelter, but everything else is kind of shit. We're OVERPAYING for the shelter. Sigh* I can't even really complain. I shouldn't have expected better...

I'm starting to notice how much more corrupt and fucked up shit is. You know? KILLS the spirit. Kills my spirit. The little left I have. LOL. I also sort of opened up to my BFF this weekend about how I've been feeling (really shitty - moody is the word), and how it may not come out with her, or I may try my best to mask it with her, but it's there and I'm going through shit but I try to have a good attitude and sort of correct my behavior and/or catch myself when I'm being moody...and you know...I was hoping for some encouragement or anything that indicates this isn't going to be a long term thing...and she tells me "get used to that". I mean, damn. There is definately some toxicity going on here. I'm really feeding off of her shitty mood and I really need to learn how to notice this and distance myself when it's happening.

Comments

[ringlat.livejournal.com]

"get used to it"... yeah, because no one should ever strive for a better life, or a better world, or to become a better person.... sigh.

damn, i've lived in those kinds of apartments before too. "the washing machine still works, as long as you stick a knife into it and hit the button ten times! btw it's your fault it's broken despite that it was broken before you moved in!"

if it doesn't interfere with work, school, and all that other "normal lie stuff" then you shouldn't feel anything bad about waking up early!! i also like waking up early the best. i'm not missing anything at 5am, and if i have to go to school at 8 then i'm already fully awake, have eaten, etc. nowadays we talk about sooo much "stress" and "life stress, work stress" that we seemingly can't avoid if we want to be modern humans. well being around crowds and loud noises stresses people out too, so anything you can do to avoid that! ; D i mean, if it's not harming you in any way then there's no reason to conform to social pressure about it.

[outerspace-bae.livejournal.com]

I know right? She's very pessimistic. We're so different, her and I. I'm very optimistic. The go-getter type. Even in hard situations, I am fairly positive. And, we've changed quite a bit since we've met too. In a way, I feel like her intelligence was kind of a facade. Perhaps she was simply trying to appeal to me. I'm often disappointed in her her choices LOL!
I love her, of course, but it's upsetting to think that our relationship is very one-sided. I feel like she really cannot offer me anything. I don't think relationships should be about what we can receive from another person, though, it does help when they can serve us in some way - emotionally, intellectually, ect.

Yeah man it;'s rough living in places like that. Honestly, it doesn't really bother me THAT much ...it's more along the lines of me feeling like I'm being taken advantage of and ripped off.

You're so right! And seriously, any kind of peace or solitude you can find is good. Over the years, I've learned how to deal with stress better and I really do think a big chunk of that coping is disconnecting and taking time for myself.

[ringlat.livejournal.com]

so many people live really shitty lives, they never do what they actually want or they conform so much to social pressure that they don't even KNOW what they want!! at least wake up when you want, eat what you want and wear what you want, that's my motto....

[outerspace-bae.livejournal.com]

YASSSSSSSSSSSS

[outerspace-bae.livejournal.com]

That is legit how I feel tho. Just do you. Heck, this could very much be it. This short shitty life is it. LOL

[ringlat.livejournal.com]

even if it's not all we get, we certainly don't remember stuff like past lives so it's the same thing anyway!

[outerspace-bae.livejournal.com]

RIGHT?!