The Winter Blues

[december_solstice]

I know 2016 is going to be tough. I can just feel it, you know? I’m going to really need to keep my head up this year and stay motivated if I want things to turn around for the better. I’m really running out of enthusiasm. Life is just a pile of shit, most of the time, and I need to work harder and harder not to believe that. I feel like I’m so close to getting over that hump but I have no motivation what-so-ever.

The winter blues is sneaking up on me because I feel like crap. We’re getting crazy cold weather and it’s kind of depressing. Usually I love winter but I just can’t enjoy it this year.

There is just lots of stress - period. A long time ago Nicole told me that stress probably plays a big part in my health, and probably makes a huge impact in my reproductive health, and of course it does. It's probably a big reason why I can't ovulate like a normal person.

I find that of all things that I avoid doing, I really avoid making phone calls, and I really need to get over this sort of fear and anxiety of making calls. I want to start setting smaller goals for myself, and really, my planner/diary/attempt at bullet journaling has been the only thing motivating me to stay productive. I don't want to share my progress on Facebook because  I feel that's too personal - to up in my bizz. It took me 2 weeks to even mention my blog on social media because I’m just not as confident in myself as I usually would be. Like I'd want anyone to know the situation I'm in, you know? I think owning up to it would help me face the realities of where we are and help me make changes. I really need to keep journaling on LJ regularly to give myself some accountability.

Tomorrow, I have a lot going on and though I may not get it all done tomorrow, I want to make a dent in this week’s tasks because I just have SO MANY! I have to make my phone calls. I have to call the food stamp office FIRST, then I want to call the insurance. After, I am considering calling my Grandma. I have not even decided what to tell her yet.

I want to make all these calls because I’ve been putting them off for too long. I will be calling back the food stamp office tomorrow because I missed their call on Friday before the long weekend. This is the most important thing I have to do tomorrow. I will also call the insurance to find out why I can’t make an account online and set up a PCP and OBGYN. I will even make notes on what it is that needs to be said so I don't miss any important questions I need to ask.

After that’s over I will sort the laundry and set up a pick up and delivery. During that time I will clean the house.

Tonight before I go to bed, I need to scan and email the landlord our marriage certificate. I keep forgetting to do that!

How about some positives? I’ve paid some bills, and have food to eat in the fridge. Thomas gets paid tomorrow as well. Last week I put together a really awesome meal plan. I did my taxes. Both federal and state were approved within 48 hours. We’re getting $500 bux back within the next week or 2. I ordered a pair of new boots from Just Fab with a credit I’ve had for probably 6+ months. USPS actually came up to my door which never happens. I’ve been keeping up with my (other) blog regularly and posting every 48 hours, at the LEAST.

Just gotta look at the bigger picture, right? Life is still shitty and difficult though. LOL

Comments

[ringlat.livejournal.com]

your landlord has to know you're married?!

i've been doing good, as in the house is as shit as ever (well, in some ways getting worse - the parents are unplugging the heater every night + morning so by the time i come inside the main house it's freezing) BUT i've started making a greenlandic-esperanto dictionary and started figuring out greenlandic grammar. this is big news because there IS no textbook or dictionary that isn't in danish or german and even the ones that do exist are bad. i'm planning for the dictionary to have around 900 words, then i'll see if i can get money from this one nordic language council thing that gives out prize money to people who have anything to do with nordic language stuff. right now i have about 500 words.

the thing is, my dictionary will have root words (greenlandic grammar is super regular so it's not a problem) and all the existing dictionaries just shove in tons of compound words for no reason. they're also often not teaching all the prefixes/suffixes and stuff. so for some parts of it i have to gather enough words to where i can figure all or most of those out... luckily there's a greenlandic-danish dictionary online (though i have to translate the danish to esperanto or swedish to understand it sometimes).

anyway, that's the new project i started just 2-3 days ago! since nothing else out there exists for greenlandic i'm not taking it super seriously, and i started it while knowing beforehand that it was going to become a dictionary so it's a lot more organized than some of the other stuff i'm doing... i have a normal file that's the real dictionary file (like paper dictionary), then i also have a spreadsheet with the same info that i can use at a later date when i can get someone to make a pop-up dictionary for me... /rambles