And Im back

Mostly because there are some things I'm not sure I want to talk about publicly with all my followers on Tumblr. I've been emailing brokers/looking for apartments for the last few hours. It's about 3:30a and the pickings are pretty slim - this is why I NEED a broker. I spoke to my Grandma again today, and it looks like she's more or less waiting for me to open a bank. I gave her a budget that included more or less a year's worth of rent (entire lease), security deposit, broker fee, electricity/ internet activation, moving service, basic furniture to get started. AND, savings to sit on. The goal is to basically apply to anything and everything and take whatever I can get because I can always look elsewhere later. I will be a lot more stable mentally and physically once we're in an apartment. We also still have $350/m in food stamps, and if I can get my recertification done before we actually leave, then we'll probably have it for another 9-12 months. We've also been able to crowdfund a lot of stuff since we got to this shelter, so we won't have to buy clothes, blankets, cookware, etc. and that's going to save us money. Tbh, when we were in Queens (the first shelter), I was in a better environment and I wasn't as unstable. I was stable enough to actually motivate myself to go to the doctor, etc. I'm going to need to go to a dentist AND obgyn AND psychologist, and I suspect there will be follow-ups as well. It really sucks we're no longer in walking distance from that clinic - I really liked them too. I should REALLY go back, but the commute is really rough from where we are right now. It's just so hard living with depression. Every little thing is so draining. I feel drained right now, to be honest. In other news, it's really nice to hear my grandma's voice. It's very healing. I've also been helping my parents a lot lately with resumes, cover letters, applications. It never ends. My husband ALSO wants help with the same thing because he just finished a clinical psychology certification and wants to see what's out there and what he can get. I;m proud of him. Tbh, I can't believe I managed to complete TWO classes here, like, it's a shock to me. The distraction has probably been great for me. I had a few meltdowns/panic attacks for the first time here too. I miss not being depressed tho. LIKE SO FUCKING MUCH