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We're getting there.
Feb. 12th, 2017 07:54 amIt's 6:23a and raining. Kishi Bashi's new album is playing. It feels like I'm healing. I'm heating up my shower, then I plan to have tea and water all morning while looking for jobs.
It's been a wild couple of days, let me tell you. Thursday I went to Homebase to start our paperwork, literally, in the middle of a fucking blizzard. Friday, we returned to see a worker where we found out that we qualify for homeless prevention services (help with court arrears and/or relocation). Basically, we need either 1.) a signed copy of our lease, 2.) a letter from the landlord. We should be receiving a call from a case worker within 5 days.
On Monday, Thomas starts his new job! Tomorrow I will probably brainstorm some lesson plans with him. I will also need to call back Legal Aid Society. They called me, I believe, on Wednesday and again on Friday but I had been so tired, and we had also been out, so I just didn't have the time or energy for that. I also want to apply for whatever assistance I can online (food stamps, for example), then start finding out exactly where I can apply for full FA (financial assistance) that ISN'T our neighborhood job center (that place is horrible).
On Tuesday, I have to call Housing Court Answers to see what kinds of additional assistance we can receive.
Thursday, we return to court. To be honest, as much as I am stressed and worried about going back, I just want to get this over with. I'm over it. Done. I've reached my capacity of dealing with this. My sanity is literally out the window. I am so relieved that this is almost over, and I'm just ready to get out of here and move on. We've been doing this (back and forth to court) for almost 6 months.
We're tight on money, but bills are paid. We've been spending quite a bit for travel purposes and I can feel it cutting into our funds. We have a day's worth of food, and I plan to see what I can make happen at the grocery store on Monday with $20.
These last few weeks, heck, the last month or so, has been utterly exhausting. We've been sick and busy.
If there is something I know for sure, it is that I will write about this experience. I think I'm going to title it, "A Letter to My Landlord". And, I really think I'm going to leave a copy in this apartment when we leave, and also send a copy to his office. Probably not. Maybe. I don't know. I could try to publish it. I'd open it with, "Once I considered killing myself instead of paying my rent. When you come banging on our door to issue an eviction, I'll have already left." Of course, it would not be *entirely* literal. It's supposed to be sort of like Pat The Bunny lyricism. What's so funny is, when I was actually listening to his albums, I couldn't *really* relate, and it didn't quite resonate with me but NOW, it's like FUCKKKKKK. Now, I get it. I know why anyone would want to blow up a courthouse now. LOL.
In other, equally exciting news, my downstairs neighbor came banging, literal banging, at my door at 3 fucking am. Because of a leak, and "it had almost killed her". Is she serious? Did she slip? Is she high on crack? I mean it is 3 fucking am on a Sat. night. She's like, "what would you do if I called the fire dept.?" Not a fucking thing lady, just like how they probably won't either. How am I still tolerating any of this?
On top of that, a lady called me out for sitting at the front of the bus today because "those seats are for the elderly and disabled not fat young people". There wasn't anyone to give up my seat to. I'm trying to think, what kind of person do you have to even say that? Her life must suck more than mine, and mine sucks pretty fucking bad. LOL.
Another thing I wanted to mention is how much I liked the social worker at Homebase. I told her I was legitimately scared of the landlord, (Anxiety - terrified to leave the house during hours he is usually traveling) and she tried to make me understand his point of view - understandable, I suppose, (I think not in a way to pick sides, but perhaps if I understand how he is feeling, I'll be less fearful? I don't fucking know) and I mean, sure it sucks running a business and losing money but it ain't as bad as wondering if you're going to be fucking homeless. It's not the same as wondering where your next meal is going to come from. But, anyways, I'm just like thinking...if I were him, being the decent human being I am, I would try to be, at the very least, not a fuckhead. Like sure, we are at fault here, in one way, but in several ways, he is at fault too. And, it goes beyond that, you know? The court system is faulty. The entire housing market is faulty. Rent is theft, but we won't get into that right now.
I remember when this all started, I was so optimistic. I thought I was going to destroy him. Now, I think, what does any of it matter? We live in a system where this is allowed to happen and will happen, and it's not changing anytime soon. But, then I think, what if I do nothing?
It's been a wild couple of days, let me tell you. Thursday I went to Homebase to start our paperwork, literally, in the middle of a fucking blizzard. Friday, we returned to see a worker where we found out that we qualify for homeless prevention services (help with court arrears and/or relocation). Basically, we need either 1.) a signed copy of our lease, 2.) a letter from the landlord. We should be receiving a call from a case worker within 5 days.
On Monday, Thomas starts his new job! Tomorrow I will probably brainstorm some lesson plans with him. I will also need to call back Legal Aid Society. They called me, I believe, on Wednesday and again on Friday but I had been so tired, and we had also been out, so I just didn't have the time or energy for that. I also want to apply for whatever assistance I can online (food stamps, for example), then start finding out exactly where I can apply for full FA (financial assistance) that ISN'T our neighborhood job center (that place is horrible).
On Tuesday, I have to call Housing Court Answers to see what kinds of additional assistance we can receive.
Thursday, we return to court. To be honest, as much as I am stressed and worried about going back, I just want to get this over with. I'm over it. Done. I've reached my capacity of dealing with this. My sanity is literally out the window. I am so relieved that this is almost over, and I'm just ready to get out of here and move on. We've been doing this (back and forth to court) for almost 6 months.
We're tight on money, but bills are paid. We've been spending quite a bit for travel purposes and I can feel it cutting into our funds. We have a day's worth of food, and I plan to see what I can make happen at the grocery store on Monday with $20.
These last few weeks, heck, the last month or so, has been utterly exhausting. We've been sick and busy.
If there is something I know for sure, it is that I will write about this experience. I think I'm going to title it, "A Letter to My Landlord". And, I really think I'm going to leave a copy in this apartment when we leave, and also send a copy to his office. Probably not. Maybe. I don't know. I could try to publish it. I'd open it with, "Once I considered killing myself instead of paying my rent. When you come banging on our door to issue an eviction, I'll have already left." Of course, it would not be *entirely* literal. It's supposed to be sort of like Pat The Bunny lyricism. What's so funny is, when I was actually listening to his albums, I couldn't *really* relate, and it didn't quite resonate with me but NOW, it's like FUCKKKKKK. Now, I get it. I know why anyone would want to blow up a courthouse now. LOL.
In other, equally exciting news, my downstairs neighbor came banging, literal banging, at my door at 3 fucking am. Because of a leak, and "it had almost killed her". Is she serious? Did she slip? Is she high on crack? I mean it is 3 fucking am on a Sat. night. She's like, "what would you do if I called the fire dept.?" Not a fucking thing lady, just like how they probably won't either. How am I still tolerating any of this?
On top of that, a lady called me out for sitting at the front of the bus today because "those seats are for the elderly and disabled not fat young people". There wasn't anyone to give up my seat to. I'm trying to think, what kind of person do you have to even say that? Her life must suck more than mine, and mine sucks pretty fucking bad. LOL.
Another thing I wanted to mention is how much I liked the social worker at Homebase. I told her I was legitimately scared of the landlord, (Anxiety - terrified to leave the house during hours he is usually traveling) and she tried to make me understand his point of view - understandable, I suppose, (I think not in a way to pick sides, but perhaps if I understand how he is feeling, I'll be less fearful? I don't fucking know) and I mean, sure it sucks running a business and losing money but it ain't as bad as wondering if you're going to be fucking homeless. It's not the same as wondering where your next meal is going to come from. But, anyways, I'm just like thinking...if I were him, being the decent human being I am, I would try to be, at the very least, not a fuckhead. Like sure, we are at fault here, in one way, but in several ways, he is at fault too. And, it goes beyond that, you know? The court system is faulty. The entire housing market is faulty. Rent is theft, but we won't get into that right now.
I remember when this all started, I was so optimistic. I thought I was going to destroy him. Now, I think, what does any of it matter? We live in a system where this is allowed to happen and will happen, and it's not changing anytime soon. But, then I think, what if I do nothing?
