(no subject)

In my very early 20's, I was on fire. I was writing a lot. I was passionate. Even though I often had very long days - full day at work, full night of school, I really was in a good place emotionally and mentally. I remember sharing my life often, professing to the world what I wanted, did the work, and received. I'm trying to think, aside from my financial differences, what kinds of changes have I made since then? I'm not really making my work the center of my life. I've gotten so burnt out by life and trying to survive, that I've just lost so much focus. What I want, who I want to be, what I want to create, what I want to put out into the world...it's just not the center of my life anymore as it should be. I'm not creating environments that inspire me to make that so. And, you know, I have to go out of my way to create those environments. It's so easy to think about writing, to read about writing, but when it comes to actually writing...it's not getting done. Heck, I'm not even really thinking or reading about writing, but I know I need to do that in order to write.

It's all about your surroundings, influences, what you consume ect. Overall, it's clear I need to work on myself, and I'm struggling this much (on a emotional and mental level) because I'm not caring for myself. Frankly, diet and exercise isn't enough. So many areas in my life as struggling as a result of mental illness. Self care is such a chore, but I need to do it because I will feel much better after - and well, I need to take care of myself, period. It's insane how much your emotional and mental state can even break deeply rooted habits. I feel like basic needs like showering and eating are incredibly hard.

Everything needs to be adjusted. The media I consume, my social media feeds, my daily habits, creating and maintaining a wellness routine. I need to force myself into these routines to reestablish habits. I'm curious is this is what depression feels like. I always excepted it to be sadness. Not even sadness is this crippling, though.

So far, I've adjusted my social media feeds to attract more positive and uplifting content. I"M EVEN BACK ON TUMBLR! I also started reading this book on writing "https://www.amazon.com/Page-after-Heather-Sellers/dp/158297618X" which really reminded me how much I want that MFA degree from NTS even if that means night classes. I want it more than I want anything else. I'm still beating myself up over not having the money to continue. I think - I could have done something...anything...differently. I would be HALF WAY DONE by now, if I went through with my Fall 2015 admission. Hindsight is 20/20. I can't continue to beat myself up over that, you know? Live, learn, and adjust. I need to continue working on my blog. Coming up with content has been difficult. I really need to workshop/brain storm through that. Most importantly, that planner has to come out and be used every week.

I need to get shit done. What's new?

NaNo 2016

I'm going to write my second book this year, in November. I want to start prepping early.