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Aug. 17th, 2016 06:07 pm8.17
I sent email inquiries to numerous homeless prevention organizations in NYC. I just emailed my lawyer. You'd think "taking action" or being proactive in facing and overcoming the challenges you face would give you peace of mind, right? It doesn't quite feel like that. In fact, any moment I am occupied by the problems I face, it just gives me heightened anxiety and stress. Even if I'm attempting to be productive about it. This is why people avoid their problems. This is why we procrastinate. This is why we seek distractions.
I find myself worrying about the event of a arrest eviction - when the police come to escort you out of your home. This can only occur IF a letter is missed/ you skip your court hearing. Because receiving mail on time is almost never the case in this apartment, I'm afraid that I will miss my court date and the police will come. I don't actually have believe in either the NYPD or the justice system ENOUGH that I will not be arrested. Now how's that for anxiety.
Yesterday I had a beer - hard cider to be exact. I'm a total lightweight - I've probably ingested less than 5 alcoholic beverages in my entire life. It took the edge off, and I'm no longer "afraid" of alcohol, I'm just afraid of being an addict. Isn't that sort of the same thing. I mean, not really - before I was legitimately afraid of the actual drunk experience - not having control over my actions or behavior. Now, I'm just afraid of using it as a crutch.
I sent email inquiries to numerous homeless prevention organizations in NYC. I just emailed my lawyer. You'd think "taking action" or being proactive in facing and overcoming the challenges you face would give you peace of mind, right? It doesn't quite feel like that. In fact, any moment I am occupied by the problems I face, it just gives me heightened anxiety and stress. Even if I'm attempting to be productive about it. This is why people avoid their problems. This is why we procrastinate. This is why we seek distractions.
I find myself worrying about the event of a arrest eviction - when the police come to escort you out of your home. This can only occur IF a letter is missed/ you skip your court hearing. Because receiving mail on time is almost never the case in this apartment, I'm afraid that I will miss my court date and the police will come. I don't actually have believe in either the NYPD or the justice system ENOUGH that I will not be arrested. Now how's that for anxiety.
Yesterday I had a beer - hard cider to be exact. I'm a total lightweight - I've probably ingested less than 5 alcoholic beverages in my entire life. It took the edge off, and I'm no longer "afraid" of alcohol, I'm just afraid of being an addict. Isn't that sort of the same thing. I mean, not really - before I was legitimately afraid of the actual drunk experience - not having control over my actions or behavior. Now, I'm just afraid of using it as a crutch.
