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So, I downloaded this app called "WeekPlan" in the Windows store. There isn't too much to say about it. It's a pretty basic calender app with a few other features for making to-do lists and note taking. I've been trying to do some daily life planning with it, and just trying to overall organize things. I feel so overwelmed by everything. In the same breath, I feel like I'm not really making much progress in my life right now. I created these daily checklists. I have a checklist for everything from personal goals, to things like cleaning schedules...the idea is to be more aware of my day-to-day. I really need to motivate myself these days.
Sometimes I am curious about whether or not I'm suffering from depression (or anxiety - which I know and am aware I have - that and "mild" OCD), but am not entirely aware of it. I've been moody and normal tasks are difficult. I feel tired a lot, even though I have been being very self aware of my water intake, as well as my fruits and vegtables. I guess you could say I've lost my fire. It's difficult to stay motivated. It's in part because the people around me, my peers, are kind of in the same boat mentally and emotionally. I get that life is hard for everyone but mutual support/motivation is SO IMPORTANT. My husband has been moody, as well as my bff. My parents usually have nothing positive to share. It's all weighing heavily on me. I feel like I'm crawling out of a hole, and when I'm reaching, reaching for those to help me up, they instead layer more weight on my shoulders. And in a way it feels like they're asking me to carry theirs, even though I know that isn't how it is. Fuck, I just want someone to carry some of mine. I feel like the efforts I make are not seen.
In other news, I've checked the application statues of jobs I've applied to at NYU and TNS and no luck. About 1/2 of the positions have been filled, and the rest are still pending. I should really keep applying with NYU in other departments on a weekly basis because they will probably begin looking to hire for both the Summer and the Fall. I sent my Dad some really good fudge for Father's Day and also wrote a nice note on FB - he didn't seem all to thrilled about it. I also applied as a researcher, which I also have pretty direct experience doing. I am crossing my fingers and toes on this. I really need to do laundry too. I could have been more productive today but it takes so much effort. Having enough energy to do something as simple as cooking meals is tough. Shit, maybe it's the heat? Could it be that simple?
Sometimes I am curious about whether or not I'm suffering from depression (or anxiety - which I know and am aware I have - that and "mild" OCD), but am not entirely aware of it. I've been moody and normal tasks are difficult. I feel tired a lot, even though I have been being very self aware of my water intake, as well as my fruits and vegtables. I guess you could say I've lost my fire. It's difficult to stay motivated. It's in part because the people around me, my peers, are kind of in the same boat mentally and emotionally. I get that life is hard for everyone but mutual support/motivation is SO IMPORTANT. My husband has been moody, as well as my bff. My parents usually have nothing positive to share. It's all weighing heavily on me. I feel like I'm crawling out of a hole, and when I'm reaching, reaching for those to help me up, they instead layer more weight on my shoulders. And in a way it feels like they're asking me to carry theirs, even though I know that isn't how it is. Fuck, I just want someone to carry some of mine. I feel like the efforts I make are not seen.
In other news, I've checked the application statues of jobs I've applied to at NYU and TNS and no luck. About 1/2 of the positions have been filled, and the rest are still pending. I should really keep applying with NYU in other departments on a weekly basis because they will probably begin looking to hire for both the Summer and the Fall. I sent my Dad some really good fudge for Father's Day and also wrote a nice note on FB - he didn't seem all to thrilled about it. I also applied as a researcher, which I also have pretty direct experience doing. I am crossing my fingers and toes on this. I really need to do laundry too. I could have been more productive today but it takes so much effort. Having enough energy to do something as simple as cooking meals is tough. Shit, maybe it's the heat? Could it be that simple?
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