Time flies
Dec. 17th, 2016 04:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
december_solsticeI honestly can't believe how fast the holidays went by/are going by. It's almost Christmas. I have about a month to find self-representation in court and/or some kind of housing assistance. I sent out a decent amount of inquiries early this week. Nothing - no luck. I thought MAYBE in the spirit of Christmas (HAH!) someone would answer my damn emails. I kind of gave up on the HRA (government assistance) so I've been seeking help from non-profits.
I didn't get that job(s) (technically it was 2 positions I applied for) that I interviewed for. The results felt quite defeating, to be honest. It really makes me doubt myself. When I interviewed for that job, I spoke to so many people at that company, I mean I was there for over an hour...and we REALLY hit it off, and I really legitimately felt like it was a great fit. I was so confident in the company, in my future coworkers and how well I would do. Unfortunately, they obviously found someone more fitting for the position(s). It took them quite a long time to follow up with me, even though I sent a few follow-ups (I REALLY REALLLLLY went the extra mile - naturally, you would when you're that confident about a position) but it felt like a thoughtless generic response. Just thinking about it now really frustrates me because I still need a job and I thought my patience and hard work had finally paid off. (At least I'm still naively optimistic and positive about the future.)
Thomas also went to an interview - it didn't materialize into anything. I think we're simply going to go back to the welfare office again next week and mass apply for jobs again (what else is there to do really?) and see if we have any luck.
I'm so tired, and I try my best to distract myself from all of this. Thinking about it just gives me anxiety. I'm moody all the time, and I don't want to be. I don't really have anyone to talk about this with, either. Every day, every week, every moment feels like I'm barely getting by. I'm barely making it until next week, till morning. This has been more or less my entire year. 2017 has been the hardest year of my life. Everyone I know is broke and/or down on their luck. And, these people aren't lazy or lucky in any way. They're dangerously smart and motivated individuals. But, the reality of it all is it doesn't really matter what you're capable of, what matters is how the world responds.
I really am trying to see 2017 with fresh eyes but I can't even get myself to a point of reflection or goal setting. I just want it to all be over. And, I not even sure what I mean by that.
I didn't get that job(s) (technically it was 2 positions I applied for) that I interviewed for. The results felt quite defeating, to be honest. It really makes me doubt myself. When I interviewed for that job, I spoke to so many people at that company, I mean I was there for over an hour...and we REALLY hit it off, and I really legitimately felt like it was a great fit. I was so confident in the company, in my future coworkers and how well I would do. Unfortunately, they obviously found someone more fitting for the position(s). It took them quite a long time to follow up with me, even though I sent a few follow-ups (I REALLY REALLLLLY went the extra mile - naturally, you would when you're that confident about a position) but it felt like a thoughtless generic response. Just thinking about it now really frustrates me because I still need a job and I thought my patience and hard work had finally paid off. (At least I'm still naively optimistic and positive about the future.)
Thomas also went to an interview - it didn't materialize into anything. I think we're simply going to go back to the welfare office again next week and mass apply for jobs again (what else is there to do really?) and see if we have any luck.
I'm so tired, and I try my best to distract myself from all of this. Thinking about it just gives me anxiety. I'm moody all the time, and I don't want to be. I don't really have anyone to talk about this with, either. Every day, every week, every moment feels like I'm barely getting by. I'm barely making it until next week, till morning. This has been more or less my entire year. 2017 has been the hardest year of my life. Everyone I know is broke and/or down on their luck. And, these people aren't lazy or lucky in any way. They're dangerously smart and motivated individuals. But, the reality of it all is it doesn't really matter what you're capable of, what matters is how the world responds.
I really am trying to see 2017 with fresh eyes but I can't even get myself to a point of reflection or goal setting. I just want it to all be over. And, I not even sure what I mean by that.
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Date: 2016-12-17 01:29 pm (UTC)that really sucks. the few times i've been to interviews they've acted friendly and cheerful and haven't given me any hints on if i'd be hired or not (except for mcdonald's in america, which was a grumpy old man who pretty much flat-out said i wouldn't).
i've applied for a student loan now, hopefully i'll get it starting next month and can start.... having borrowed money... to save up for my potential exchange year in japan. my wife and i really feel like giving up a bit now, like i'll just get the loan and do SOMETHING with the money to make our life less miserable even if we can't go abroad, because "we'll be able to pay it back soon enough after the degree's finished anyway"... the parents are being so bad they're even making "jokes" about stuff like "i bet you just started studying right now, right when i got home, and were slacking off all day", because that's what they honestly believe, when i've been studying every day all day for weeks in order to get ahead before the next semester starts. then they get mad when we don't laugh.