![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I’ve been meaning to update my Tumblr #personal tag for some time now, but I haven’t been able to get myself to do it. I notice, once I actually start, it’s much easier. Isn’t that always the case? Starting is hard. If you think less about it, and just *do it*, well, it gets done. I turned on my laptop for the first time in months, and I’ve been sitting on the couch, with the coffee table pulled up against my knees, trying to get comfortable in this position. I’m trying to get in the groove of working on my laptop when Thomas is on the computer – well until it truly kicks the bucket. It doesn’t hold a charge, and it can’t really do anything except web browse. Anywho, I found this journal entry in my Writer app (which I;m pretty sure I posted on Tumblr back in early March):
Man though, I can’t even express how I’m feeling. Like, nothing I write here even comes close, you know? Time is still standing still. And, I’m really trying to savor it. Savor this moment. I’m trying to take it all in. Life is so precious right now, and I would, at this point, do anything in my power to preserve what I have. Because it’s mine. I wrote down, in my journal, under what I’m grateful for, “Freedom and autonomy”. And, I can’t even express to you how amazing it feels to finally have control over my life again. I feel like the possibilities are again endless. Sometimes I can’t quite wrap my head around it all. Not even NINE days ago, I was sleeping in a homeless shelter. The last 2 years of my life have been nothing but constant pain. Hopelessness. Despair. And, now, it’s all different. I’ve been given another chance at life. And, I know what I have to do with that chance. I know exactly what I must do. Be better. Live better. Do more. Be more. Remember where I came from, remember what I’m capable of. Remember where I can go.
I wrote this 3 months ago. I can feel my heart beating faster, just reading it over. The apartment, I admit, still feels alien, not yet like home, and I’m not sure when that will no longer be the case. I am OK with that taking some time. It’s amazing reading this again, and thinking about all that has happened since then. I start my first full shift on Monday at the local college. I’ve been working with a non-profit, mostly copy-editing, and really growing within the non-profit community. I’ve started discussing poverty, homelessness and class warfare more openly on all social media platforms and I’m seeing how my online community has shifted because of it. (I’m also rapidly losing followers but that’s kind of how it goes. Some people don’t like that kind of conversations on their feeds.) Although it’s still kind of difficult, due to the fact that it is personal, it does hit so close to home, I am also determined to be fearless, to break down those barriers.
Scar Tissue is rapidly growing a loyal audience over on WordPress and it’s like nothing I’ve experienced before – to think that so many people are now walking through my shoes, who are constructing a new image of homelessness – now capable of thinking differently about it. It’s miraculous, to say the least.
That doesn’t necessarily mean things are all better, because it’s still very much a process, but we’re well on our way, and I recognize the progress. I have finally found job security. I have a UNION job, guys. It blows my fucking mind. STILL. Of course, it’s going to be a little while until the checks start rolling in. Money is tight, but we’re OK. We put so much cash down on the security deposit and on the rent. Just starting over from nothing too, you know? And, I know we still have a ways to go – that’s the thing. My closet is still empty. I own like 3 shirts. It just doesn’t work when you have to look presentable at a job. June will be rough, maybe July too. Thomas is leaving non-profit, and so we’re both kind of moving between jobs, but the idea is that, when this transition is over, we will be so much better off financially. We just have to keep praying. I’ve pulled away from my routine, but will need to reestablish it this week. Especially now, that I have so much less free time, I will need to be even harder on myself. Disciplined. You’d be surprised how much time is wasted web browsing/scrolling through social media feeds. That’s why I try to be careful about what I’m doing on the internet, because otherwise, before I know it, it’s been hours, and a chunk of my day has been wasted. I definitely have to get back into keeping a planner too – and actually use it EVERY day. I’m really trying to stay on top of things. But, I’m not perfect. But, I’m trying. Keeping the home clean, eating my greens, keeping to a strict budget, being consistent on WordPress.
That’s always the problem. Consistency. I should find a book on routine and consistency. See if there is a way I can improve and maintain it.
Tomorrow I definitely want to contribute to WordPress. Ideally, I’d actually get TWO posts up. Sunday Scribbles and something else. I also have to see what it is I have to do for this content writing agency I applied for, although I’m almost 10000% sure it’s a “fresh” writing sample – they’ll give me a prompt/topic, and, yeah, I write. I’m at the final stage of the application. I could potentially make some extra money quickly, for the month of June, if this works out. I wish I had more time to get some stuff done, before this new job starts, but I purposely volunteered to start ASAP (obviously the sooner I start, the quicker I can start making more money), and I’m actually lucky I’m even able to, because they’re not requiring me to get my fingerprinting done before I start! Or update my social security card (it has my maiden name on it). And, both of those things require time, money, and scheduling an appointment. So, I’m actually really grateful to even be able to just start and make money. Overall, I’m just really excited for the future. It’s really a blessing to be able to pursue what your soul wants, while being able to actually afford it. I know that I hit the jackpot. To be in academia again, to see a realistic future in academia, to be back on MY path, it’s truly amazing. To be able to write and work for this non-profit, it’s just out of this world. And, to be able to support myself, take care of my family, and progress while not having to sacrifice everything for it – I have no words. You know, I’ve really worked really hard getting here, and for a short moment, I almost gave up. I almost lost it all when I became homeless. Thank God I didn’t.
Man though, I can’t even express how I’m feeling. Like, nothing I write here even comes close, you know? Time is still standing still. And, I’m really trying to savor it. Savor this moment. I’m trying to take it all in. Life is so precious right now, and I would, at this point, do anything in my power to preserve what I have. Because it’s mine. I wrote down, in my journal, under what I’m grateful for, “Freedom and autonomy”. And, I can’t even express to you how amazing it feels to finally have control over my life again. I feel like the possibilities are again endless. Sometimes I can’t quite wrap my head around it all. Not even NINE days ago, I was sleeping in a homeless shelter. The last 2 years of my life have been nothing but constant pain. Hopelessness. Despair. And, now, it’s all different. I’ve been given another chance at life. And, I know what I have to do with that chance. I know exactly what I must do. Be better. Live better. Do more. Be more. Remember where I came from, remember what I’m capable of. Remember where I can go.
I wrote this 3 months ago. I can feel my heart beating faster, just reading it over. The apartment, I admit, still feels alien, not yet like home, and I’m not sure when that will no longer be the case. I am OK with that taking some time. It’s amazing reading this again, and thinking about all that has happened since then. I start my first full shift on Monday at the local college. I’ve been working with a non-profit, mostly copy-editing, and really growing within the non-profit community. I’ve started discussing poverty, homelessness and class warfare more openly on all social media platforms and I’m seeing how my online community has shifted because of it. (I’m also rapidly losing followers but that’s kind of how it goes. Some people don’t like that kind of conversations on their feeds.) Although it’s still kind of difficult, due to the fact that it is personal, it does hit so close to home, I am also determined to be fearless, to break down those barriers.
Scar Tissue is rapidly growing a loyal audience over on WordPress and it’s like nothing I’ve experienced before – to think that so many people are now walking through my shoes, who are constructing a new image of homelessness – now capable of thinking differently about it. It’s miraculous, to say the least.
That doesn’t necessarily mean things are all better, because it’s still very much a process, but we’re well on our way, and I recognize the progress. I have finally found job security. I have a UNION job, guys. It blows my fucking mind. STILL. Of course, it’s going to be a little while until the checks start rolling in. Money is tight, but we’re OK. We put so much cash down on the security deposit and on the rent. Just starting over from nothing too, you know? And, I know we still have a ways to go – that’s the thing. My closet is still empty. I own like 3 shirts. It just doesn’t work when you have to look presentable at a job. June will be rough, maybe July too. Thomas is leaving non-profit, and so we’re both kind of moving between jobs, but the idea is that, when this transition is over, we will be so much better off financially. We just have to keep praying. I’ve pulled away from my routine, but will need to reestablish it this week. Especially now, that I have so much less free time, I will need to be even harder on myself. Disciplined. You’d be surprised how much time is wasted web browsing/scrolling through social media feeds. That’s why I try to be careful about what I’m doing on the internet, because otherwise, before I know it, it’s been hours, and a chunk of my day has been wasted. I definitely have to get back into keeping a planner too – and actually use it EVERY day. I’m really trying to stay on top of things. But, I’m not perfect. But, I’m trying. Keeping the home clean, eating my greens, keeping to a strict budget, being consistent on WordPress.
That’s always the problem. Consistency. I should find a book on routine and consistency. See if there is a way I can improve and maintain it.
Tomorrow I definitely want to contribute to WordPress. Ideally, I’d actually get TWO posts up. Sunday Scribbles and something else. I also have to see what it is I have to do for this content writing agency I applied for, although I’m almost 10000% sure it’s a “fresh” writing sample – they’ll give me a prompt/topic, and, yeah, I write. I’m at the final stage of the application. I could potentially make some extra money quickly, for the month of June, if this works out. I wish I had more time to get some stuff done, before this new job starts, but I purposely volunteered to start ASAP (obviously the sooner I start, the quicker I can start making more money), and I’m actually lucky I’m even able to, because they’re not requiring me to get my fingerprinting done before I start! Or update my social security card (it has my maiden name on it). And, both of those things require time, money, and scheduling an appointment. So, I’m actually really grateful to even be able to just start and make money. Overall, I’m just really excited for the future. It’s really a blessing to be able to pursue what your soul wants, while being able to actually afford it. I know that I hit the jackpot. To be in academia again, to see a realistic future in academia, to be back on MY path, it’s truly amazing. To be able to write and work for this non-profit, it’s just out of this world. And, to be able to support myself, take care of my family, and progress while not having to sacrifice everything for it – I have no words. You know, I’ve really worked really hard getting here, and for a short moment, I almost gave up. I almost lost it all when I became homeless. Thank God I didn’t.
