5.2.17

I'm feeling quite tired and have a long day ahead tomorrow, so I'm probably going to TRY to keep this short. (It never is, right?)

 

I finished my short book/memoir/technically a personal essay. It's on Lulu. It's def just a small part of a longer story. It leads up to us entering shelter. If anything, there will be a Part 2 that focuses specifically on shelter life. I *advertised* on Tumblr and I also want to do so on Reddit. I might legit ask some Tumblr blogs to reblog it. My friend Rango posted about us on Reddit, so I could reply directly to it with a link to the book - beyond that, I haven't really thought of anything. 

 

This has motivated me to revisit Tumblr and look around. It's changed a lot. I really want to make an About Me page but I don't know what to write. 

 

I bought a small data pack just so I could use the internet without going to Starbucks or anything today (technically I did go this morning...technically). Thing is, it's probably cheaper for me to buy a $5 data pack than to go to Starbucks, buy a $5 drink, and sit there for only a few hours. Eventually, it's common courtesy to probably spend another $5 on another drink. I get more bang for my buck by just buying a few gigs of data and sitting in my room. 

 

Tomorrow morning I'm going with Thomas back to Starbucks to help him with some work things. Nothing too complicated or hard - he mostly asks if I wouldn't mind typing up notes or other works he has written down. It's kind of funny how much faster I type than, well, anyone I know. 

 

If he takes a personal day on Thurs, we might be able to go to Brooklyn to see Luna. I miss her a lot. When I'm lonely, I think, I wouldn't be so lonely if she were here. 

 

Oddly enough, I'm feeling super brave these days. I went out at 9p to the store a few blocks, and these streets are very dark, and I also don't know the area yet, but I felt super calm and comfortable with my headphones in. 

 

What else? I've just been trying to stay busy. My undated pocket-size planner I ordered from Wish.com came in. It's soooo fucking cute. Crazy what kinds of stuff you can get for a few bucks from...China. LOL. I don't know how long ago it arrived because I didn't realize we had to check the mail list, or whatever. I kind of expected I'd be given a note that something came for me. I'm glad to know I can get mail, though. 

 

I'm still not talking to my Dad. I think part of it is just trying to not have another problem. He did like my Instagram photos. I wish I could just remove him from all social media and he'd just text/call - it's easier to ignore. LMFAO

 

I'm really trying to focus on other things that aren't my Dad, you know? (In part why I got the planner - I didn't anticipate so many appointments and other things.) 

 

Although it's been lonely, it's been really nice putting some space between Nicole and I. Especially when we usually speak to each other on a day-to-day basis, which has been the norm over 5 years. I miss me, is that an odd thing to feel? I really don't feel like these days, we benefit much from each other, or we even enjoy each other like we used to. It's a sad realization, that all flames die out eventually? But, of course, it doesn't mean I don't genuinely care. Because of course.
 

I found out she's still speaking to Hans which bummed me out a bit. Considering all the grief Legion caused us all, then him, and all the shit she stirred herself, I just  wanted to put that all in the past. I'm genuinely sad how much all of this ruined the game for me - all of us. 

 

I've been away from ESO for more or less 3 weeks, and although I miss everyone, I think pulling away from all these distractions really helps me put my life in a clearer perspective. It's interesting because both Thomas and I are fairly disconnected from everyone (that isn't each other). I'm having fun just co-existing with him, without a lot of distractions. I think we are seeing each other with fresh eyes because of it. I am def seeing him more clearly now. Is that an odd thing to say? 

 

So many changes, so many adjustments, many new experiences.