Frequent Nightmares: Why do some have them often while others do not?

[december_solstice]

Since my early teens, nightmares and anxiety-stricken dreams have been a norm for me. It started more than a decade ago. Before puberty even hit, I'd have recurring dreams about being stuck on an escalator. Every morning I'd wake up stressed and anxious.

As a teen, they became a lot more violent. In my early adulthood, around age 18, I had a dream of me taking a gun and shooting my newborn in the face. If I can recall correctly, immediately after birth. By the way, I did not have a child. I've never had children. I don't have children now. In my previous posts (and in the comments), I had briefly mentioned that I struggle with infertility. More specifically, I cannot ovulate.

Is it safe to associate depression with nightmares? As a teen, I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). It is also important to mention that mental illness runs quite deep in my family. My father is bipolar and has PTSD and OCD. I can have OCD-like behavior under stress. An example would be when someone tried to break into our apartment earlier this year. I check the front door several times an evening -- sometimes 2-3 times in a row (...get up, go check the door, go back to bed...get back up and do it again.)

Last night I had a dream that left me anxious and stressed. It was a nightmare all in itself. I had a dream that my marriage fell apart. It was pathetic, to say the least. We appeared very shallow in personality -- fighting over petty things. The focus of our fight was on sexual performance which is kind of...well...pathetic! We complained to each other about not preforming to the standard and also becoming unattractive to each other. (Isn't that pathetic?) I know I keep using that word, but it best describes how I feel about it. I woke up sad and feeling...PATHETIC.

We have a relatively fulfilling and fun sex life -- even for a couple who has been rocking the bedpost for nearly 12 years. I could probably have more sex, but not in a way that...I harbor feelings about it. Or, even think about it. Personally, I don't hold such value to sex and I don't suffer when I don't have it. But, at the same time, I also recognize that I have a pretty active sex-drive, and I could have some unconscious thoughts about it. I am also going through hormonal changes as a result of my reproductive health.

Any clue as to why I have regular nightmares and dreams that cause anxiety and/or what could have possibly encouraged the dream I had last night about my marriage?

Comments

[kindmemory.livejournal.com]

This is about sex, and nightmares sometimes come from repressed experiences. I was almost 50 until I began remembering abuse that occurred in my youth, starting from a really young age. Several family members were at it, then some teachers came in on it. It was so absolutely sick, just awful. I think I was in denial about it for so long because it lasted so long and was so continual.

But I always wondered what the nightmares were about, then I started writing them down. I had a couple good dreams when I got older, so I wrote them down, it was such a different and refreshing experience. Then I was able to start trying to make something of the bad ones. The memories of abuse are like shy wild animals, deer, squirrels and birds. They will get close to you if you sit quietly but will run away if you try to grab them. So sometimes you just let them come.

But it's good to look in dream interpretation books, think about therapy or support groups,

But a good therapist does not push it, or make suggestions (such as, "and did that happen in the living room?").

I wouldn't take it for granted either way.

It may be (about the baby/shotgun) is about a project you feel you sabotaged, or it maybe about something really traumatic.

What I would do is get a cheap notebook and put it by your bedside, & every morning for a while, just write down a few words about what you remember. More if it gets interesting, or if it doesn't work.

There is so much in dreams that relates to problem solving, and identifying the problem sometimes helps you figure out the meaning of the dream.

Great suggestions, thanx!

[outerspace-bae.livejournal.com]

Sorry about your experiences w/ sexual assault :/ I can imagine you would push such painful experiences away and your mind try to forget them.

My husband has had experiences w/ sexual assault, so has my best friend. Both family members too. I think that's common, too. Rapists often end up being people you trust, people in your family or who are close to you :/

I had a super bizarre/weird father/daughter relationship with my Dad, but from my understanding (of my memories at least), I don't think it went any further than very unwanted intimidate touching (which I've never told my mother.. and I tell her everything) and a sort of....glorification of innocence (my dad treating me like a little girl, toddler age even.) He used to do this thing where he'd come into my room late at night, crawl in my bed and spoon me.

Interesting that you mention repressed memories. I think we experience a lot of things that we repress -- force ourselves to completely forget even.

You may be on to something about the baby/shotgun dream. Though I've never had an abortion (I've take emergency contraceptive), I have been on tons of birth control. Before I found out I have problems with fertility, I actually wasn't even thinking about kids. I had really no intention to have them...probably till after 30. Now it's like the universe is telling me "fuck your plans". I absolutely hate feeling like I have no control over my life, and deciding when to enter motherhood is a big deal. I wanted the desire to start a family to come along naturally, and I wanted to have kids naturally. I'm sure like all parents, soon-to-be, or trying-to-conceive, you're afraid you'll fuck them up or you won't be able to provide.

Seeing a therapist probably wouldn't hurt. I probably could have really benefited from one about a year ago. My husband too. He has struggled with depression since childhood.

Recording my dreams is definitely a good idea! Journaling in general is so beneficial. Keep writing.

RE: Great suggestions, thanx!

[kindmemory.livejournal.com]

Well, I feel like my mind repressed them, for the most part, since it started well before I was able to make any conscious decisions about them. The infant mind is not ready to process those things. I too thought there was only this wee little bit until I was about 49, got into multiple personality therapy. That brought out the memories.

Anyway the dream journaling turned out to be a bonus for me, just in general a rewarding tool--as is everyday journaling,

[ringlat.livejournal.com]

Well, I was really depressed for some years and am still a bit depressed now, and I had nightmares every time I fell asleep (for years). After I stopped eating white flour and sugar I stopped having nightmares, and I also was able to fall and stay asleep more easily. Before, I also had the problem where I woke up constantly and slept too little overall because I never felt tired.

Now, even if I have a "bad dream" it's not a nightmare and it can barely be classified as being bad, more like uncomfortable, ex. I'm sent back into high school and can't remember my class schedule or locker combo and have to fake everything and make it through somehow, but there's no real feeling of fear like there would be in a nightmare.

I think that dreams about sex, blood, the human body in general can be loosely connected to random other fears or problems. Ex. if you dream about bleeding everywhere and then wading through a roomfull of your own blood, that can just be linked to your everyday general lack of privacy or your hate for yourself (blood everywhere = everyone can see your innermost "secrets") lol. Though once I had a dream that my best friend "didn't love me anymore", and then a year later it turned out that did begin to hate me thanks to his girlfriend who hated me...

Just guessing based on my diet change, but I think that when your body has stuff to work through (poison food) and so does your mind (stress), your body can't handle both at once and so it develops into things like sleeping problems and nightmares. My general life situation has gotten a bit better since I quit eating that stuff in some ways, but in other ways it's gotten even worse, so I don't think it has anything to do with my stress level actually changing.

My wife, after having sugar in the evening, always ends up with a panicky feeling that night or the next night and is unable to sleep because she feels like "if she falls asleep she'll die". After I started paying attention to sugar for my own diet, I started noticing it in her, and I had to tell her about it several times before she started believing me... Now she's quit eating white flour completely but hasn't yet completely quit eating sugar.

As for writing down dreams, I did it for a long while just because I though if I wrote enough of them down I could publish a book with them, or I could use them as some sort of fanfic fodder. It was good but then I got too lazy (and also, writing down similar nightmares over and over gets pretty boring).

[outerspace-bae.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today :) :) <3 <3

Diet and depression (and other mental illnesses) are linked in one way or another. Think of eating disorders, for example! Some people eat their way through depression, so it can turn into a vicious cycle reallll, especially if your diet was poor to begin with. I binge when I'm depressed. I also don't eat at all when I'm depressed.

My emotions greatly effect my eating habits, even if they are usually healthy.

Also, what about those with indulgent personalities? (Like me Lol) Quite common.

It's why I steer clear from alcohol and drugs. I could smoke myself incoherent and take dayssss to come down. Escapism and chasing the "feel good" through food, drugs, alcohol or sex is due to stress is probably the creator of the party lifestyle. (Those who get wasted every weekend to escape their 9-5.)

[ringlat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I might have turned into an alcoholic or something if it weren't for my wife. And also for that I'm perpetually broke. When I feel really bad I just drown myself in anime/manga/reading.

When I'm stressed, focused or depressed I don't eat. It's not intentional, but my appetite just completely disappears. It seems like my wife is the opposite and eats when she feels worried or something, which isn't something I knew until veeeery recently but it certainly helps to explain why she's "never been able to lose weight".

In both cases with us I think it stems from upbringing. Among other things, I wasn't taught that it was bad to skip meals ("If you don't like what's for dinner, don't eat" "Okay") and both me and my brother did stuff like skipped lunch at school in order to save the lunch money because we didn't get an allowance. Meanwhile my wife's mom and grandma both eat to comfort themselves, and in general in Sweden "good food being one of life's few joys" plays a huge part in their culture... And her family never tried to stop her from doing obvious self-harm or even from making herself throw up (she didn't hide these things).

I easily fall into escapism and get addicted to the computer, the end result is that I feel like I'm not really life or that I'd rather just be a piece of wallpaper so that no one talks to me. I don't want to be this way! I've been hoping for years that I'm just at a temporary point in my life and that whenever I get a job and have enough money to do stuff, I'll break away from things like the internet a whole lot more and just be alive for a while.... If we can at least move out of my wife's parents' place then we'll both be a lot less depressed and hopefully that will help in some ways.

[outerspace-bae.livejournal.com]

Yeah, your environment can REALLY take a toll on you, you know? Feeling idle is hard, like you're not making any progress or moving forward. This is common though. Lots of young people go through this. Lots of people any age go through this. Maybe doing some online school will change things up for you. Make you feel productive. Remember that productivity does not start and end at a job. The web itself is full of opportunities.

Honestly, I do the same thing. When I'm feeling like I'm doing nothing with my life, I binge watch Netflix and play Elder Scrolls Online D:

But I realize that there is more to life than jobs and the how much money I make. I realize that this is temporary and that this is normal. Especially for young people. It is so common for people in their 20's to live with their families. In fact, I think majority do now-a-days.

Who knows, you could be a Youtube star! hah

[ringlat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm doing online school (Japanese degree) but...

I've thought about making youtube videos but it takes so much time even just to edit them!