december_solstice (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
december_solstice) wrote2015-09-25 03:02 am
december_solstice) wrote2015-09-25 03:02 am
We're you an outcast growing up? Are you still one? Have you "found your place" in the world?
This applies to the common unpopular crowd, the black girl in a predominately white school, the nerd, the bright minds that no one seems to understand.
I admit, I'm enjoying the fact that I "fit-in" here. NYC is a melting pot. It;s progressive. Liberating. It's like seeing your soul materialized into a city. I don't only FEEL the part. I look the part. And, we all know, looking the part makes life a ton easier.
Being a little fat white girl in Hawaii is tough. Even though I'm biracial, I never learned my mother's native language. I don't fit in with my own family. I'm too "mainland". My mom is white-washed. In all aspects of the word. She lost her native tongue due to a sense of internal hate for her own race. She is born and raised in the Philippines but talks like a white lady from the suburbs.
In Hawaii, locals dislike "mainlanders" in general, but for most it's more of a poke fun/mockery than an actual deep disdain for white folk. Though Hawaii's colonization is of course part of it, it's also the fact that tourists are often snotty and rude white people. Gentrification is part of it. Rich white folks moving in and making it too expensive for native Hawaiians to buy property. Ha'ole, a Hawaiian word meaning "without breath", used to describe James Cook, is also used for other white people.
This isn't some kind of pathetic reverse racism claim. I am an ally, and locals should speak out. They should dethrone the politicians. They should run the show. They should be involved in the decisions made for the citizens of Hawaii. Plain and simple.
On the other hand, I'm still human. A shitty human at times, but human none the less. No one likes being an outcast. My reason for leaving Hawaii has nothing to do with this. I left because I could not grow there. I didn't fit in. For reasons not related to the color of my skin. I think the culture, along with my living arrangements (LOTS of racism in my household) was only further perpetuating racism within myself and making me a shittier person.
I was in love with a black boy. My grandma still hadn't accepted the fact that my Mom married a ha'ole (a white guy from California). My best friend was a cute Mexican girl who cussed in Spanish, and my Dad hated her. At the same time, I was hating my own diversity. I did not embraced being hapa. I thought being born a mix plate was a death sentence.
Go ahead and pile on a rebellious nature, a hatred for authority, and an overall anti-god, anti-state personality, I wasn't fitting in. At all.
It's as if NYC is finally welcoming me home.
I admit, I'm enjoying the fact that I "fit-in" here. NYC is a melting pot. It;s progressive. Liberating. It's like seeing your soul materialized into a city. I don't only FEEL the part. I look the part. And, we all know, looking the part makes life a ton easier.
Being a little fat white girl in Hawaii is tough. Even though I'm biracial, I never learned my mother's native language. I don't fit in with my own family. I'm too "mainland". My mom is white-washed. In all aspects of the word. She lost her native tongue due to a sense of internal hate for her own race. She is born and raised in the Philippines but talks like a white lady from the suburbs.
In Hawaii, locals dislike "mainlanders" in general, but for most it's more of a poke fun/mockery than an actual deep disdain for white folk. Though Hawaii's colonization is of course part of it, it's also the fact that tourists are often snotty and rude white people. Gentrification is part of it. Rich white folks moving in and making it too expensive for native Hawaiians to buy property. Ha'ole, a Hawaiian word meaning "without breath", used to describe James Cook, is also used for other white people.
This isn't some kind of pathetic reverse racism claim. I am an ally, and locals should speak out. They should dethrone the politicians. They should run the show. They should be involved in the decisions made for the citizens of Hawaii. Plain and simple.
On the other hand, I'm still human. A shitty human at times, but human none the less. No one likes being an outcast. My reason for leaving Hawaii has nothing to do with this. I left because I could not grow there. I didn't fit in. For reasons not related to the color of my skin. I think the culture, along with my living arrangements (LOTS of racism in my household) was only further perpetuating racism within myself and making me a shittier person.
I was in love with a black boy. My grandma still hadn't accepted the fact that my Mom married a ha'ole (a white guy from California). My best friend was a cute Mexican girl who cussed in Spanish, and my Dad hated her. At the same time, I was hating my own diversity. I did not embraced being hapa. I thought being born a mix plate was a death sentence.
Go ahead and pile on a rebellious nature, a hatred for authority, and an overall anti-god, anti-state personality, I wasn't fitting in. At all.
It's as if NYC is finally welcoming me home.
Re: Re: half/whole stuff
While on topic, I also find it quite sad and discouraging that people think white people don't have culture. White isn't a race. Neither is black. Those are skin tones Lol. Black people could have immediate roots in Africa or...perhaps Jamaica. There is also very dark Latinos with a bit of African in them. There is also very dark Filipinos.
People here have zero connection to their culture. White people are just white. It is rare that they will tell you where from Europe their ancestors come from. Shit, I don't even know. My maiden name is German. That's all I know.
RE: Re: Re: half/whole stuff
no subject
Aside from that? I've heard that I have some kind of native American ancestry, as well as Swedish and who knows what else. But I've never seen any proof of it. And I have no idea about my dad's mom's mom for example... (who is still alive)
35 siblings?! holy shit...
There's a story in my family about how some relative had 12 or 14 sons, and went to the hat-shop (or clothes-shop or something) and asked for hats for all his sons. The hatter was like "you're lying, there's no way you have that many - if you do then I'll make you the hats for free" and so he came back with all of his sons and got free hats.